19 Gross Vintage Foods That Will Make You Want To Cry

SURPRISE, it's a mountain of gelatinous mayo for dinner!

1. The Miracle Whip, lemonade, 'n' ham platter.

jbcurio / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: jbcurio

That's jelly made from frozen lemonade mixed with miracle whip and fruit cocktail. And then plated up with ham and artificial cheese. THE HORROR.

(Reader's Digest, June 1965)

2. Tinned veg in a prison of gelatine.

jbcurio / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: jbcurio

Why did nobody in the past understand what salad was?

(Better Living, February 1952)

3. All of these tinned nightmares.

jbcurio / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: jbcurio

A delicious dinner of "brown".

(Look, 13 February 1962)

4. Corn Con Carne.

jbcurio / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: jbcurio

"We got rid of the good parts of a chilli con carne and replaced them with liquid corn!!!"

(Ladies' Home Journal, May 1962)

5. A surprise gelatine mayo mountain.

jbcurio / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: jbcurio

"Don't tell the family how easy it was, surprise them." I imagine most humans would be quite surprised that this is meant to be edible.

(Family Circle, August 1972)

6. This kid's frozen dinner.

jbcurio / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: jbcurio

Are those carrots in the corner? I honestly don't know. And what is that stuff in the middle?

Reader's Digest, November 1972)

7. Just any old shit thrown in a pile on a plate.

jbcurio / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: jbcurio

I'm pretty sure that can mysteriously says "doned turkey". We're not even going to talk about the toast basket.

(Better Living, June 1953)

8. All of these gross ways to make things with pears.

jbcurio / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: jbcurio

Mmmm there's nothing like a nice "Turban Fruit Mould" on a Sunday night.

(Chatelaine, July 1963)

9. Salty hot shreaded wheat with syrup.

leix38 / Via ebay.co.uk

The recipe suggests putting the shredded wheat in a strainer, covering it with boiling salted water and then serving with cream and maple syrup. I mean, sure, you do you.

10. And shredded wheat covered in salt and butter.

jbcurio / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: jbcurio

The recipe for an "Easy Treat for Parties" suggests covering this shredded wheat in butter and sprinkling it with salt to serve to your guests as nuts. OK.

(Collier's, 10 July 1943)

11. This fairly repulsive-looking dessert.

jbcurio / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: jbcurio

Oh sure, that's what success looks like.

(Canadian Living, May 1983)

12. Eggs with Campbell's chicken soup scrambled into them.

jbcurio / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: jbcurio

It's the CIRCLE OF LIFFFEEEEE.

(Better Living, June 1953)

13. A Mexican food horrorshow.

endless lazlo / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: lazlo

Proof that the word "style" is the most horrifying word in food.

(Sunset Magazine, April 1957)

14. Canned fried onions.

jbcurio / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: jbcurio

Here they are in use, garnishing a bucket of trash.

(Good Housekeeping, August 1969)

15. Hellmann's actual hell.

executiveimprinting / Via ebay.co.uk

"What's for dinner mum?"

"Mayo pie with a side of mayo, and then I thought for dessert we could just eat some mayo straight from the jar."

16. Baked spam with peaches and cloves.

jbcurio / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: jbcurio

Nothing tastes like summer like spam and peaches.

(Better Living, February 1954)

17. Squares of artificial cheese on top of canned stew.

jbcurio / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: jbcurio

The way mother used to make it.

(Woman's Day, 20 November 1978)

18. Yams and marshmallows.

jbcurio / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: jbcurio

Why just have regular yams with your dinner when you could add A FUCK-TON OF SUGAR?

(Family Circle, 5 April 1977)

19. And finally, the horror lettuce.

jbcurio / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: jbcurio

I find this deeply offensive.

(Woman's Day, October 1962)

H/T Jamie Bradburn