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19 Gross Vintage Foods That Will Make You Want To Cry

SURPRISE, it's a mountain of gelatinous mayo for dinner!

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1. The Miracle Whip, lemonade, 'n' ham platter.

That's jelly made from frozen lemonade mixed with miracle whip and fruit cocktail. And then plated up with ham and artificial cheese. THE HORROR.(Reader's Digest, June 1965)
jbcurio / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: jbcurio

That's jelly made from frozen lemonade mixed with miracle whip and fruit cocktail. And then plated up with ham and artificial cheese. THE HORROR.

(Reader's Digest, June 1965)

2. Tinned veg in a prison of gelatine.

Why did nobody in the past understand what salad was?(Better Living, February 1952)
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Why did nobody in the past understand what salad was?

(Better Living, February 1952)

3. All of these tinned nightmares.

A delicious dinner of "brown". (Look, 13 February 1962)
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A delicious dinner of "brown".

(Look, 13 February 1962)

4. Corn Con Carne.

"We got rid of the good parts of a chilli con carne and replaced them with liquid corn!!!" (Ladies' Home Journal, May 1962)
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"We got rid of the good parts of a chilli con carne and replaced them with liquid corn!!!"

(Ladies' Home Journal, May 1962)

5. A surprise gelatine mayo mountain.

"Don't tell the family how easy it was, surprise them." I imagine most humans would be quite surprised that this is meant to be edible. (Family Circle, August 1972)
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"Don't tell the family how easy it was, surprise them." I imagine most humans would be quite surprised that this is meant to be edible.

(Family Circle, August 1972)

6. This kid's frozen dinner.

Are those carrots in the corner? I honestly don't know. And what is that stuff in the middle? Reader's Digest, November 1972)
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Are those carrots in the corner? I honestly don't know. And what is that stuff in the middle?

Reader's Digest, November 1972)

7. Just any old shit thrown in a pile on a plate.

I'm pretty sure that can mysteriously says "doned turkey". We're not even going to talk about the toast basket. (Better Living, June 1953)
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I'm pretty sure that can mysteriously says "doned turkey". We're not even going to talk about the toast basket.

(Better Living, June 1953)

8. All of these gross ways to make things with pears.

Mmmm there's nothing like a nice "Turban Fruit Mould" on a Sunday night. (Chatelaine, July 1963)
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Mmmm there's nothing like a nice "Turban Fruit Mould" on a Sunday night.

(Chatelaine, July 1963)

9. Salty hot shreaded wheat with syrup.

The recipe suggests putting the shredded wheat in a strainer, covering it with boiling salted water and then serving with cream and maple syrup. I mean, sure, you do you.
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The recipe suggests putting the shredded wheat in a strainer, covering it with boiling salted water and then serving with cream and maple syrup. I mean, sure, you do you.

10. And shredded wheat covered in salt and butter.

The recipe for an "Easy Treat for Parties" suggests covering this shredded wheat in butter and sprinkling it with salt to serve to your guests as nuts. OK. (Collier's, 10 July 1943)
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The recipe for an "Easy Treat for Parties" suggests covering this shredded wheat in butter and sprinkling it with salt to serve to your guests as nuts. OK.

(Collier's, 10 July 1943)

11. This fairly repulsive-looking dessert.

Oh sure, that's what success looks like. (Canadian Living, May 1983)
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Oh sure, that's what success looks like.

(Canadian Living, May 1983)

12. Eggs with Campbell's chicken soup scrambled into them.

It's the CIRCLE OF LIFFFEEEEE. (Better Living, June 1953)
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It's the CIRCLE OF LIFFFEEEEE.

(Better Living, June 1953)

13. A Mexican food horrorshow.

Proof that the word "style" is the most horrifying word in food. (Sunset Magazine, April 1957)
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Proof that the word "style" is the most horrifying word in food.

(Sunset Magazine, April 1957)

14. Canned fried onions.

Here they are in use, garnishing a bucket of trash. (Good Housekeeping, August 1969)
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Here they are in use, garnishing a bucket of trash.

(Good Housekeeping, August 1969)

15. Hellmann's actual hell.

"What's for dinner mum?""Mayo pie with a side of mayo, and then I thought for dessert we could just eat some mayo straight from the jar."
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"What's for dinner mum?"

"Mayo pie with a side of mayo, and then I thought for dessert we could just eat some mayo straight from the jar."

16. Baked spam with peaches and cloves.

Nothing tastes like summer like spam and peaches. (Better Living, February 1954)
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Nothing tastes like summer like spam and peaches.

(Better Living, February 1954)

17. Squares of artificial cheese on top of canned stew.

The way mother used to make it.(Woman's Day, 20 November 1978)
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The way mother used to make it.

(Woman's Day, 20 November 1978)

18. Yams and marshmallows.

Why just have regular yams with your dinner when you could add A FUCK-TON OF SUGAR? (Family Circle, 5 April 1977)
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Why just have regular yams with your dinner when you could add A FUCK-TON OF SUGAR?

(Family Circle, 5 April 1977)

19. And finally, the horror lettuce.

I find this deeply offensive. (Woman's Day, October 1962)
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I find this deeply offensive.

(Woman's Day, October 1962)

H/T Jamie Bradburn