24 Things That Happen At Every University Graduation Ceremony
Try not to trip over.
1. You feel VERY cool when you get to collect your cap and gown.
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Someone will dress you and pin your gown in the right places but it will still keep sliding around.
2. And you'll definitely pretend you’re in Harry Potter.
Pretty much the closest you'll get to being a wizard.
3. But you will never be quite sure if you're wearing your mortarboard properly.
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It will probably be on backwards. And which side is the tassel meant to go on?!
4. You will not recognise a large number of the other students who are graduating.
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Unless you went to Oxbridge or art school your graduation is going to be a room full of strangers. Oh look there's someone you once made eye-contact with in the library, NEW BEST FRIENDS.
5. And few of your good friends will actually be there.
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Unless you only had friends on your course this is going to be a day of making small talk with people you spent seminars with.
6. A member of the uni faculty who you've never seen will give a speech.
Likely talking about "how far you've come" and making bad jokes which you'll politely laugh at.
7. And a guest speaker might be invited along.
If you're lucky it will be someone funny, if you're unlucky it will be a really boring poet.
8. Someone's name will be badly mispronounced.
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Sorry to all the Xanthes and Joaquins out there.
9. You will be unbelievably hot.
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Formalwear, a huge gown and a mortarboard, and a room crammed to the rafters is the perfect way to get really sweaty.
10. You will get wrist ache from clapping too much.
11. A lot of the ceremony will be taken up with bizarre rituals.
????
12. And it will mostly be very confusing.
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Some parts of it will probably be in Latin. You will nod along like you understand what is happening.
13. People will be there collecting PhDs with silly sounding titles.
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Of course "The economy of Froome between 1820 and 1823" is an important subject. Of course.
14. You will spend a lot of time worrying that you’re going to do the handshake wrong.
15. Or trip over.
16. Because someone will actually trip when they go to collect their certificate.
And it will be hugely embarrassing for them but hilarious for everyone else.
17. At least one of your parents/relatives will cry.
It's a really big day for them. They probably weren't quite sure what you were up to the whole time – graduation is proof that you didn't spend every day watching Netflix.
18. You will try to throw your mortarboard in the air.
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Someone will get bashed in the nose and you'll realise why they won't let you do this inside the graduation hall.
19. You will seek out the most attractive places on campus for your photos.
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80% of the campus might be from an architectural dark age but if you stand in *just* the right place it could actually look nice.
20. And you will discover that official graduation photos are A LIE.
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The scroll which isn't a scroll but a PLASTIC PIPE.
21. After the ceremony there will be some sort of terribly awkward drinks reception.
Where you will end up introducing people you've drunkenly shagged to your parents.
22. You and your friends might go for celebratory drinks in one of your old haunts.
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And even though you probably only left a few months ago it will feel kind of weird.
23. You might feel a bit sad that it's all over.
:')
24. But mostly you'll be glad that bloody dissertation is behind you.
Unless you're doing a masters...