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18 Things You Find In Every Shit British Pub

It's not really a true British shitpub without a grim beer garden.

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1. An extremely terrible sign.

Beautiful.
@ChrisA_007 / Via Twitter: @ChrisA_007

Beautiful.

2. Curtains from your nan's house.

See also: nan style light fittings.
@ifmurphy / Via Twitter: @ifmurphy

See also: nan style light fittings.

3. This sort of high quality carpet.

Last replaced in 1901.
@reckydecky1989 / Via Twitter: @reckydecky1989

Last replaced in 1901.

4. Really sticky tables.

They were once cleaned, many years ago.
@EdenFalls13 / Via Twitter: @EdenFalls13

They were once cleaned, many years ago.

5. Fruit machines in a location where you cannot help but stare at them the entire time you’re there.

Must. Stare. At. Flashy. Lights.
@TvcLeisure / Via Twitter: @TvcLeisure

Must. Stare. At. Flashy. Lights.

6. One of these exact quiz machines.

Where you will waste several of your hard earned pounds every time you visit.
@SueFisk / Via Twitter: @SueFisk

Where you will waste several of your hard earned pounds every time you visit.

7. An inexplicable jukebox.

Obviously nobody uses it because pubs are for chatting and shouting at sport, but occasionally youths of questionable drinking age will come in and ironically put Ariana Grande on.
@rarty69 / Via Twitter: @rarty69

Obviously nobody uses it because pubs are for chatting and shouting at sport, but occasionally youths of questionable drinking age will come in and ironically put Ariana Grande on.

8. A condom machine with a really surprising variety of options.

Who knows, maybe there are people who go down The Red Lion on a Thursday night and decide they need some of those rainbow condoms with cat faces on them.
@WillyWhitby / Via Twitter: @WillyWhitby

Who knows, maybe there are people who go down The Red Lion on a Thursday night and decide they need some of those rainbow condoms with cat faces on them.

9. These rubbish hand dryers.

Crap pubs wouldn’t be seen dead with a Dyson airblade.
@BlakesFace / Via Twitter: @BlakesFace

Crap pubs wouldn’t be seen dead with a Dyson airblade.

10. A baffling variety of entertainment.

Sophie Gadd / BuzzFeed

11. And obviously there’s an Elvis impersonator about once a month.

This is probably the most British picture of all time.
@sophabishop / Via Twitter: @sophabishop

This is probably the most British picture of all time.

12. A slightly terrifying “beer garden”.

https://twitter.com/JFMachin16/status/497805688325029889
https://twitter.com/johngoonn/status/596384196190416898

Anything can be a beer garden if you try hard enough.

13. A pool table surrounded by seating.

This is so the regulars can loudly comment on your technique.
@EvoHans / Via Twitter: @EvoHans

This is so the regulars can loudly comment on your technique.

14. A satisfyingly limited choice of drinks.

Don't try and order a Pimm's you idiot.
@GentsCove / Via Twitter: @GentsCove

Don't try and order a Pimm's you idiot.

15. Questionably clean glasses.

Mmmm clean.
@WeeSwally / Via Twitter: @WeeSwally

Mmmm clean.

16. A slightly mysterious, and mostly grim food menu.

"Oven meat". Although at least the food is actually served on plates. Crap pubs don’t mess about with that chopping board bollocks.
Sophie Gadd / BuzzFeed

"Oven meat". Although at least the food is actually served on plates. Crap pubs don’t mess about with that chopping board bollocks.

17. Shit nachos.

Any crap pub worth it's salt has a bastardised Tex-Mex dish on the menu.
@CJ_in_London / Via Twitter: @CJ_in_London

Any crap pub worth it's salt has a bastardised Tex-Mex dish on the menu.

18. And of course, really average crisps that they only sell at pubs.

You’ll never see Walkers in a shitpub.
@steveshanyaski / Via Twitter: @steveshanyaski

You’ll never see Walkers in a shitpub.