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‘Game Of Thrones’ Recap: ‘The Night Lands’

Missed 'Game of Thrones' sunday? We've got your recap here!

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In last week’s episode of HBO’s Game Of Thrones there wasn’t too many naked chicks and it was somewhat refreshing to get a plot progressing story in which women weren’t giving up all the goods every ten seconds. But the bottom line is that this novel series is written by a dude and even though there are so many smoking hot guys in the series, it’s designed to reel in the testosterone.

Theon is especially gross and banged all kinds of girls this episode, including groping one all the way to his home castle which he hasn’t been to since he was nine. Turns out that he got more than he bargained for on that encounter.

Dude totally banged his sister Yara. Pretty gross, but this show loves to bring on the incest. Theon’s father does not regard him as heir or take him seriously since he has lived with the Starks for most his life.

Meanwhile, little Arya is still sticking with Gendry and the guards from King’s Landing come looking for him. They are able to hide away for now, but Gendry admits that he knows Arya is a girl and she tells him that she is indeed a Stark. Hopefully, these two end up together amongst this mess of a world because there has to be some romance to keep us girls interested.

Gorgeous Daenerys is still stuck in the desert with unused dragons and now her rider Rakharo has returned without his body and with his head in a bag. If this girl has any more shit happen to her everyone is going to rue the day. It will be a long time coming, but epic to witness.

Petyr threatened a sad prostitute and told her to stop bawling or she would get the boot. Shae the bald guy threatened Tyrion. And Tyrion fired the leader of the city watch and then told Cesei to watch out for ice creeps beyond the wall. But Cesei is the honey badger of queen rulers and she honestly doesn’t care, not even when that jackass son of hers starts killing off Robert Baratheon’s bastard infants. She even calls Tyrion a joke because he is a dwarf and killed their mother when he was born. She obviously doesn’t know what a bad ass he is going to be in the near future.

Davos made a deal with some dude with a ship and then reported back to Stannis, who he wants to be king. The one thing you should know about this storyline is that everyone wants to be king, everyone. Stannis gives into Melisandre the red crazy witch lady and they banged it out on the Risk tabletop board game.

Speaking of creepy shit beyond the wall, Sam the fat kid finds out that one of the daughters of Craster is preggers and if the baby is a boy they will kill it off. Jon Snow tells Sam that they can do nothing for her, but even after this he witnesses Craster taking the baby into the woods and follows him only to get smacked in the face. Anything but that beautiful face! One can only hope that Jon Snow steps into the bedroom spotlight and shows a little more skin sometime soon

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