6 Things That Need To Go To Set Us Back On Track

The world is full of grievances, and it’s time to fix them the only way we know how — by digging a giant hole in the ground and feeding a Snickers to the planet.

1. Talking on speakerphone in public.

Though we still call phones "phones", it seems archaic to use your phone as a phone, and submitting your fellow coworkers and bus passengers to this ancient form of communication is even more primitive.

2. Dudes wearing shorts in winter.

Climate change is not an excuse for bad fashion choices. We should not be seeing dude leg until mid-May at the earliest.

3. Cash-only businesses.

We literally have laser money! Why are these places forcing us to jangle around these pirate tokens in our pockets?

4. Talking about online when we're offline.

We've gotta make an effort to keep our online and offline selves separate. Let’s just pretend like online is fiction and keep that cartoon world out of our mouths when we’re not in it.

5. Wedding Hashtags

In theory, the point of a wedding hashtag is so the attendees can easily see all the beautiful, storybook-esque photos from the ceremony and reception. In practice, you spend an inordinate amount of time creating a forced pun out of your impossibly consonant-heavy last name, which will get, at most, a chuckle or two from the attendees. Maybe spare people having to remember use #horváthgoodlife with their selfies.

6. Telling people to watch stuff.

There’s just so much stuff to watch, and we'll just keep getting more stuff to watch until we all basically have our own curated streaming services. Just watch your stuff, and let people watch theirs.

Design by Dan Blaushild / © BuzzFeed

Surely, now that we've dug the hole and fed the world a Snickers, the planet will be back on track. Watch more here!