1. Jesus Car
We’ve all seen these in various incarnations, but would Jesus actually drive one? I think not.
2. Jesus Van
Jesus probably needs more room than a car provides, so what about a van? This one lets everybody know that Jesus is cruising in a lane near you. But I think Jesus may need a little more style.
3. Jesus Van 2
Yup, this one is a bit better. Professional lettering and fun fonts is a better fit for the risen Christ. But it’s not quite right. Jesus needs some art work.
4. Jesus Van 3
Oh yes, this is much better. Colorful and you know that Jesus is risen AND that he rocks! Now, he just needs to head to Seattle where he can start a grunge band.
5. Jesus 18 Wheeler
After his band “Jesus Rocks” hits it big, Jesus will need transport for the roadies and equipment. This should do nicely. Plus, it has extra room for lots of loaves and fishes.
6. Rapture Moving Vans
After the band collapses from internal squabbles, Jesus will need a new job. He can take the semi and these moving vans to form a transportation company. Too bad it all ends badly on May 21, 2011.
7. Jesus Ice Cream Truck
If the Rapture screws with his business, he can always start another with this awesome ice cream truck. After 2,000 years I think Jesus may welcome the opportunity to meet some youngsters.
8. Pedo Jesus Van
We all know Jesus likes the youngsters, but if the ice cream truck doesn’t work out there’s always the really creepy Jesus pedo-van.
9. Jesus in the Trunk
Maybe Jesus is tired of driving, period. You can’t just stick him in the trunk and expect a happy ending, can you?
10. Side-Car Jesus
Yes, this is much better than the trunk. Let him ride in the side car.
11. Jesus Cycle
Jesus may want to control his own destiny for once, so he should have his own bike. This one should do nicely, thank you.
12. Bad-Ass Jesus Cycle
I’m betting Jesus doesn’t want to ride around on a painted up GoldWing. Why not this more streamlined bike? Unfortunately, that cross wasn’t too comfortable the first time round.
13. Optimal Jesus Bike
Yup, this is the one.
14. Jesus Monster Truck
As long as he’s getting bad-ass, he might as well go monster. No one’s gonna mess with Jesus when he’s rolling in this monster truck.
15. Mary Monster Truck
But, Jesus might want to honor his mum, Mary. In that case, meet the Little Miss Mary.
16. Hell Express
Jesus may not want you to know he’s the guy tailgating you in the Jesus van. Maybe a small warning of what awaits is better than announcing his presence. In that case, I present the Hell Express. Repent indeed.
17. Jesus Devil Car
Letting you know he’s on the road again may not be enough. If the Hell Express doesn’t scare you, let me present the Devil Car. Jesus in the Devil Car. Oh hell, you better start paying attention, he ain’t fooling around this time.
18. Hippie Jesus Camper Van
He’d probably just pick this unassuming number. It’s great for saving money on hotels and he can go anywhere. Bonus because it has room for disciples. However, I think we all know Jesus would probably drive this next car.
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