Small-Town Police Blotters You Have To See To Believe

Small towns may seem peaceful but crimes can happen anywhere. Thankfully, Police blotters help us keep track of the sometimes ridiculous “crimes” people report in less-populated areas. For more small town crime, catch Small Town Security, Sundays at 11/10c on AMC.

1. The Ol’ Hardware Switcheroo

A woman reported on Thursday that someone broke into her home on the 1200 block of Summer St and switched hardware in her computer with identical hardware that doesn’t work. There are no leads.

Fiona Jackson-downes And Nick Wh / Getty Images / Via

2. Pinch-Happy Wife

A caller reported his wife assaulted him by pinching him really hard on the face.

Gregg O’Connell / CC BY http://2.0 / Flickr: greggoconnell

3. The Boy That Called Cat

A caller reported at 7:14 PM that someone on a porch was yelling “help” from a residence on Bank Street. The officers responded and learned the person was calling for a cat named “Help.”

Warren Rohner / CC BY-SA http://2.0 / Flickr: warrenski

4. Honey, I ate the fish

Jewelry and goldfish were at the heart of a Pasadena domestic dispute Saturday, when a man reported his common-law wife had kidnapped his seven pet goldfish, and was holding them hostage in an argument over some jewelry she said he had taken from her.
When a police officer went to the couple’s residence in the 1100 block of Queens road to try and negotiate the release of the unfortunate fish, the woman said she was unable to return them, as she had already fried the fish and eaten three of them.

James Hartshorn / CC BY-SA http://2.0 / Flickr: jhartshorn / Via

5. A gift from the heavens

A woman reported that an object appeared to have fallen from an airplane and became lodged in her roof. An officer located the object and informed her that it appeared to be her sewer vent pipe.

Brian Robinson / CC BY http://2.0 / Flickr: dolfindans

6. Wrestlemania on Steinweld Road

A resident got a knock at the door in the afternoon from a stranger who said he was looking for “Steinweld Road.” The man then started talking about sports and wrestling and offered to show the resident some wrestling moves on his lawn. The resident said his mom would not approve of that. The stranger left.

torbakhopper / CC BY-ND http://2.0 / Flickr: gazeronly

7. Why did the chicken pot pie cross the road?

3:56 PM- Dispatch, report of Swanson chicken pot-pie running east on Clay Street.

jeffreyw / CC BY http://2.0 / Flickr: jeffreyww / Via

8. Attack of the ghost monkey

Tambako The Jaguar / CC BY-ND http://2.0 / Flickr: tambako / Via

9. Mom, you’re embarrassing me!

Police removed a woman from a symphony performance after she yelled “Boring!” and then refused to leave. The woman’s teenage daughter was one of the symphony’s musicians.

Mike Fisher / CC BY http://2.0 / Flickr: bfs_man / Via

10. Pizza vandalism

Andrew Malone / CC BY http://2.0 / Flickr: andrewmalone / Via

12:59 PM- People throwing slices of pizza at a PVTA bus on North Pleasant Street were not located by police.

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