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11 Mind-Blowingly Bad Bootleg Games For The NES

They're dangerous to play alone.

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1. Angry Birds.

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Yeah. Angry Birds. Even though I can download a legal copy on my smartphone for free, what I wouldn't give to play this in eight beautiful bits on my NES. That soundtrack is an instant classic, btw.

2. Plants vs. Zombies.

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Seriously, another one? I just love how the zombies disappear and re-materialize randomly after crossing each square of lawn. And look, they just borrowed the music from Angry Birds! That eight-second loop just never gets old. IT'S SO GREAT.

3. Titenic.

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This gem is hidden on a 15-in-one cartridge for the Famicom. Titenic is actually split into two games; 'Hacker' to play as Jack, and 'Heroine' to play as Rose. Seriously, though, who thought making a game out of this was a good idea in the first place?

By the way, that's not a typo.

4. Harry's Legend.

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Didn't you love reading Harry's Legend as a kid? If you can't tell, this is actually a hack of the aforementioned Titenic. Really innovative stuff, here. I love the creative liberties they took with Dudley's wardrobe. That crop-top is just killer.

5. Pizza Pop Mario.

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You've been lied to your entire life. Mario isn't a plumber, he's a pizza delivery guy! He even smacks enemies with the pizza he's trying to deliver. I'm sure his clients love that!

Oh wait, this is just a hack of the Japan-only title, Pizza Pop.

So, you're telling me this isn't canon?

6. Jurassic Boy 2.

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Hmm. Does this title screen look familiar to anyone? Seriously, what little kid wouldn't want a half-assed Sonic rip-off for their NES? And with DINOSAURS?! This has all the hallmarks of a hot seller.

7. Somari (Somari the Adventurer.)

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Not to be outdone, here comes Mario in his own Sonic the Hedgehog clone! Thank God they decided to remaster the original score; it didn't sound nearly enough like bit-crushed farts for my liking.

8. Kart Fighter.

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Gamers of the 90's: The Super Mario Kart/Street Fighter II crossover that you've been dreaming of is finally here! Now, instead of blasting other players with red shells, you can blast them WITH YOUR FISTS.

Wait a second...

Having been released around 1993/94, this one was actually ahead of its time. Carry on, Kart Fighter. Carry on.

9. Wally Bear and the NO! Gang.

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If D.A.R.E. had the money to hand these out in the 80's, I'm sure they would have. You're a hip, skateboarding bear on a mission to invite your friends to a party, and you're out to stop other kids from doing drugs along the way! Did I mention that the party was being held in honor of you not doing drugs? Riveting.

This game also came with a sketchy anti-drug hotline that somehow remained in service until 2007.

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Just say no, Nerd.

10. Cheetahmen II.

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Ah, Cheetahmen II. It's extremely rare and highly sought after by collectors, despite the fact that the game literally stops working after the fourth level when the boss just... disintegrates. Their original appearance on the Action 52 multi-cart didn't fare much better, either, but it's obvious that Action Enterprises was really banking on its success. They even had their own comic book-style origin story!

Regardless, the Cheetahmen have a rabid cult following that spawned reproductions, re-masterings, and every attempt imaginable to revive this particular game... for whatever reason. I'll give them one thing, though. The music is seriously catchy.
KosherX / Via Flickr: 42629582@N05

Regardless, the Cheetahmen have a rabid cult following that spawned reproductions, re-masterings, and every attempt imaginable to revive this particular game... for whatever reason. I'll give them one thing, though. The music is seriously catchy.

11. Windows 98.

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BUT.... BUT WHY?!

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