33 Rookie Mistakes Gay Women Make At One Point Or Another

Oh my goodness, you are not alone.

1. Googling terms like “lesbian” in hopes of finding useful coming out information.

You’ll find something, that’s for sure.

2. Thinking there is a certain way you should look or act after coming out.

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3. Getting that haircut you thought you needed to get, when it wasn’t really your style.

4. Avoiding using certain labels to describe yourself because you’re afraid of the stereotypes that come along with it.


5. Feeling the need to subscribe to any labels at all.


6. Lying to your parents about that one time.


7. Hooking up with your ex.

8. Hooking up with your friend’s ex.

9. Hooking up with your ex’s ex.


10. Completely losing yourself (and your sanity) in a girl crush.

11. Waiting around for a girl to buy you a drink instead of making the first move yourself.

Ladies, be bold!

12. Trying out some overly aggressive flirting.

Find that balance.

13. Divulging too much information on a first date.

14. Accidentally texting the wrong girl.

15. Changing yourself in order to become more visible in the community.

16. Changing yourself for the person you’re dating.


You do you, end of story.

17. Spending time worrying about what the definition of “having sex” really is for you.

18. Allowing yourself to feel pressured by someone more experienced than you.

19. Telling yourself you can hook up with your ex without it getting “complicated.”

20. Pining over that one person for way too long.

21. Letting your friends talk you into speed dating functions.

22. Obsessing over how good your gaydar is, or if you have it at all.

23. Staying with someone for all the wrong reasons.


24. Becoming slightly obsessed with that one professor that makes you melt.

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She’s so smart and so alluring. Swoon.

25. Hooking up with a co-worker.

26. Falling for that straight girl.

27. Actually believing you can – *poof* – make that straight girl like you back.

28. Sleeping with that straight girl.


29. Stalking, er — checking up on, someone you’re still hung up on.

30. Crushing on your best friend.

Regardless of orientation, this is a slippery slope.

31. Full on falling for your best friend.

32. Diving into a deep pit of cynical despair following your first big break-up.

33. Spending an inordinate amount of time processing your feelings.

Guess what? Most of these aren’t even mistakes – let’s call them rites of passage.

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Sarah Karlan is the Deputy LGBT Editor for BuzzFeed News and is based in New York.
Contact Sarah Karlan at
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