Let's begin with a reading of Sia's Twitter bio, printed below, as a basis for her near-mythical existence on this planet.
I cannot confirm, nor deny, that this Australian songstress emerged from a mythical creature's backside.
What I can tell you is that Sia was put on this planet to change all our lives, and the world, with her glorious music.
Her voice not only lifts your soul, but her lyrics lift you onto a higher plane of being. If "breathe me" doesn't reduce you to tears, nothing will.
When you listen to the otherworldly grace that is a Sia jam, it pulls you in slowly – her voice caressing each and every sultry note.
Her voice builds towards an always perfect chorus, that she will wail upon with her angelic pipes, until finally...
...YAASSS!! You are reborn.
It's not just about the music, though – it's about the entire aura of her performance. She is always unabashedly herself onstage.
"Herself" being some rare form of high art.
Her videos aren't just "beautiful" – they are transformative.
*Even when she doesn't actually appear in them.
With all this power and raw talent, shouldn't she own us all? Shouldn't we all be living in the The Great Republic Of Sia right now?
NEWSFLASH: We already do.
"Pretty Hurts" by Beyonce. Are you familiar? "Diamonds" by Rihanna. Ring a bell? "Wild Ones" by Flo Rida. EVER HEARD OF IT?
SHE WROTE ALL OF THEM!
Alas, our humble leader would rather rule us all from behind-the-scenes.
She published her powerful "Anti-Fame Manifesto" in 2013.
She compared the constant criticism and judgement from the public to an overbearing mother-in-law:
Imagine the stereotypical highly opinionated, completely uninformed mother-in-law character and apply it to every teenager with a computer in the entire world. Then add in all bored people, as well as people whose job it is to report on celebrities. Then, picture that creature, that force, criticizing you for an hour straight once a day, every day, day after day.