go to content
LGBT

19 Things Asexual People Need You To Understand About Asexuality

"It's kinda like going to museums or something — I don't get much out of it but it doesn't really bother me either."

Posted on

So we asked people from the BuzzFeed Community who identify somewhere on the ace spectrum to tell it like it is — what do they want people to understand about being asexual?

Here's what they had to share.

1. "It can be extremely isolating because of society's obsession with sex."

SNL

"Sexuality is fluid and it can change over time. Sometimes I am totally sex-repulsed and other times I can feel some arousal, but generally I fall between the two. It can be extremely isolating because of society's obsession with sex. At times I feel I don't deserve to be loved."

—Anonymous/40/Aromantic

2. "You're still a valid asexual regardless of whether you've had sex in the past or not."

redbeardace.tumblr.com

"You're still a valid asexual regardless of whether you've had sex in the past or not. You can still have sex while identifying as asexual. Also, there are some asexuals who get the occasional sexual attraction towards someone — that doesn't make them invalid."

—Lorenzo/17/Asexual

3. "An asexual person can still be romantically attracted to someone and fall in love."

"Asexuality and aromanticism don't go hand in hand. An asexual person can be romantically attracted to someone and fall in love. Asexuality isn't the same as celibacy! Asexual people aren't naive, picky or children."

— Anonymous/17/Queer

4. "It's kinda like going to museums or something — I don't get much out of it, but it doesn't really bother me either."

HBO

"Masturbation helps me relax and I'm indifferent about sex. It's kinda like going to museums or something — I don't get much out of it, but it doesn't really bother me either. But I like seeing my partner enjoy it, so every now and then I'll go with them."

—Lydia/18/ Ace

5. "Some ace people are sex-repulsed, some are sex-positive."

Starz

"It's different for everyone and that it's a broad spectrum. Some ace people are sex-repulsed, some are sex-positive. Some of us date, some of us even get married to people who aren't asexual! And we're happy together."

— Dan/26/Queer

6. "I wish I would have known about asexuality when I was a teenager. I wouldn't have felt like something was horribly wrong with me for over a decade."

"I always assumed that when I started having sex I would change and I would be 'fixed.' After an eight-year relationship, I didn't feel any different. I thought it was just my ex, so I tried having sex with another man. When nothing changed I thought maybe I wasn't attracted to men. I had sex with a woman. Still, nothing changed. I wish I would have known about asexuality when I was a teenager. I wouldn't have felt like something was horribly wrong with me for over a decade."

—Chelsea/29/Asexual

7. "I am not broken. I haven't been sexually abused. My hormones are fine, thank you."

VH1

"I am not looking for 'The One', I am not looking for ANYone. I am not broken. I haven't been sexually abused. My hormones are fine, thank you. The only interest I have in people is friendship, so stop trying to get me to date you."

—Courtney/37/Aromantic Asexual

8. "Also, I don't reproduce by budding like a sponge."

Nickelodeon

"I wish people would understand that it's just like any other sexuality. I'm still attracted to people; I just have no desire to have sex. Also, I don't reproduce by budding like a sponge."

—Shelby/25/Biromantic asexual

9. "There are many ways to be attracted to a person other than sexually (romantically, intellectually, physically), and looking at those is very helpful to understanding how all of us (not just asexuals) experience relationships."

"It's not as much about how our bodies work (libido) as it is about how and when we are attracted to other people. There are many ways to be attracted to a person other than sexually (romantically, intellectually, physically), and looking at those is very helpful to understanding how all of us (not just asexuals) experience relationships."

—Limor/25/Demisexual

10. "Just because you aren't attracted to people doesn't mean you never want to have sex."

Bravo

"Just because you're ace doesn't mean you can't have another identity; like, I identify as pan as well since I don't really care about the gender of whoever I date. Just because you aren't attracted to people doesn't mean you never want to have sex."

—Ila/23/Pansexual

12. "It's not a choice. And it's not necessarily something I'm proud of either."

—Cat/19/Ace

13. "It's about attraction, not action."

Nadia_bormotova / Getty Images

"I can be asexual and have sex. Although my relationship may not focus on sex as much as other relationships, I can still have sex with my partner and identify as asexual. It's about attraction, not action."

—Summer/21/Asexual

14. "It's absolutely none of your business to judge another person's sexuality or its validity."

Netflix

"It's absolutely none of your business to judge another person's sexuality or its validity. What asexual people are, do, or not do is up to them. If you think you absolutely need to know a certain asexual's attitude toward sex — just ask politely. We are not plants or robots, we are people."

—Ril/26/Ace

15. "Love can be as simple as wanting to be near someone else. To hold their hand, to see their eyes light up when they laugh."

"Whether you like men, women, or those who are nonbinary/genderqueer, loving another human being does NOT have to mean that you want to 'bang' them. Love can be as simple as wanting to be near someone else. To hold their hand, to see their eyes light up when they laugh. Love is expressed in countless ways, not just through sex."

—Dustin/21/Aromantic

16. "Just because I don't feel sexual attraction doesn't mean I don't love my partner."

Warner Bros. International Television

"People assume because I am heteroromantic demisexual, I have a sexless marriage and my poor, not asexual husband is neglected. Then they ask about our sex life. Just because I don't feel sexual attraction doesn't mean I don't love my partner. I am a huge romantic — I just don't feel the sex part."

—Colleen/33/Demisexual

17. "We think of sex as a normal thing every human being will naturally want, desire, and have — but it's really not the case."

Freeform

"Most people like to compare sexual attraction to eating, and I think this is a bad comparison. After all, if you don't eat, you die. If you don't have sex, you don't die. We think of sex as a normal thing every human being will naturally want, desire, and have, but it's really not the case.

I like to compare sex to exercise — it can be good for many people to want it and do it, but you won't die if you don't do it. Some people can't exercise and some people just have absolutely no desire to. Some people will only do it because somebody they care about is doing it and that's okay too. (Hi, demisexuals, you are valid too!)"

—Siona/27/Ace

18. "It's not a mental illness."

"It's not a mental illness. It *is* a marginalized identity, and that marginalization extends to the queer community sometimes."

—Anonymous/32/Grey-romantic

19. "Asexuals also face discrimination and hate in both the LGBT community and outside of it."

hellahanji.tumblr.com

"It is a part of the LGBT and queer community, though you do not personally have to identify as such. Not everyone experiences attraction the same or in the same way or to the same degree. Attraction is based on feeling, and feelings can be confusing. You can't label others, only yourself. Asexuals also face discrimination and hate in both the LGBT community and outside of it."

—G/26/Aromantic asexual

Responses have been lightly edited for length and clarity

Want to be featured on BuzzFeed? Follow the BuzzFeed Community on Facebook and Twitter.

Every. Tasty. Video. EVER. The new Tasty app is here!

Dismiss