1. Novelty Toilet Paper. barefootfloor.com You can get your hands on a variety of different prints. 2. Any clothing that resembles this. retailhellunderground.com Online sales are coming soon, thank goodness. 3. Your face molded in chocolate. solidsmack.com FabCafe in Tokyo, Japan offers these custom chocolates using a 2D to 3D scanner. 4. A Pizza Hut proposal. thedailywhat.tumblr.com 5. Elephant poop flowers. greenmuze.com Elephant dung can be processed into some lovely eco-friendly paper. Get some here! 6. This surprise. app.cheezburger.com 7. Naming a cockroach at the Bronx Zoo. bronxzoo.com The website states, "Flowers wilt. Candlelight fades. Roaches are forever."This limited time offer is sadly expired. 8. White Castle dinner date. retailhellunderground.com 9. This cryptic balloon. 10. Unique plants. retailhellunderground.com For the low maintenance love in your life. Heart decorations not included. 11. Making funeral arrangements. keepbusy.net 12. His and hers tongue scrapers. baronbob.com Only five dollars. 13. A new pet. cheezburger.com Crabs you can be happy about. 14. Edible undergarments. blameitonthevoices.com Here are directions for the DIY project. 15. A new mouse pad or...wait, what? reddit.com 16. This fake dog poop is uber romantic. etsy.com Order now from Etsy for that animal lover in your life. 17. Reproductive plush toys. uncommongoods.com Why is this under the Valentine's Day gift section? An educational gift perhaps. 18. Heart shaped meat products. imgur.com You can get them pre-seasoned. 19. A Hug-E-Gram. Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF youtube.com Plus, you can record a personalized message. 20. This card for the seriously comfortable couple. etsy.com Available on Etsy. 21. Celebrity inspired cards. funnyjunk.com 22. Underwear built for two. incrediblethings.com Save money on laundry and get your pair here. 23. A chocolate covered scale. blogs.villagevoice.com Even with the funny phrases replacing numbers, it's still a scale. 24. A Hooters dinner surprise. usualsuspectsblog.net 25. Surprise car decorations. reidgreven.wordpress.com "I'm loved and being humiliated because of it." reidgreven.wordpress.com He seems pleased. 26. Anything on this page: hahabuda.com 27. The 2-carat mug... zgallerie.com 28. ...or this diamond ring keychain. baronbob.com She isn't laughing. This isn't funny. 29. The perfect movie for a romantic evening. heavy.com 30. Bacon flowers. instructables.com Wait...this actually would be fantastic. Go ahead and make some now. What's the worst valentine's gift you've received?