1. The hardest part about being a mumbler is the moment you realize you’re a mumbler.
2. “What? Did you say something?”
3. Oh, let me repeat myself: The hardest part about being a mumbler is the moment you realize you’re a mumbler.
4. You’re constantly surrounded by outspoken people who seem to have no problem making their opinions be heard.
5. People make you repeat yourself at least twice, but that makes you even more flustered.
6. YOU understood exactly what you said, so why can’t everyone else.
7. Before you speak out loud you even find yourself reminding yourself to speak up and speak clearly.
8. You still probably mumble.
9. Don’t people realize you just have SO many good thoughts it’s hard to get them all out? That’s a mumble-brag, sorry.
10. Everyone else needs to get their ears checked.
11. You find yourself idolizing the great mumblers of our time: Kristen Stewart and Johnny Depp.
12. Let’s not forget the great musical mumblers: Bob Dylan, Kurt Cobain, and Janis Joplin.
13. “Sorry, what was that?”
14. “Oh, I didn’t know you were talking to me.”
15. “Speak up!”
16. People nod and smile at you but don’t actually respond.
17. Worse is when they change the subject or stop directing questions at you entirely.
18. Your worst fear is speaking in front of a large crowd.
19. Your friends probably know better than to make you a maid of honor or best man.
20. Which is a shame, because you’re actually pretty damn witty!
21. Libraries and classrooms are your safe havens and your sanctuaries.
22. Your hidden talent is whispering at the movies.
23. And not being heard when you’re within earshot.
24. You should probably be a spy when you grow up.
25. If you ever have to speak in front of a large crowd at a loud bar? Send help.
26. There are positives: You get to test jokes to a smaller audience, and if they laugh, you can repeat it.
27. Sometimes people get credit for your jokes, though.
28. But you said it first.
14. Stay strong.
- President Trump has given House Republicans an ultimatum: Pass their health care bill Friday or he will move on to other issues.
- FBI agents posed as filmmakers to talk to armed militia during a standoff in Nevada, then used the footage against two men on trial in federal court.
- The suspect in the London terror attack near Parliament, who was killed by police, has been identified as 52-year-old Khalid Masood.
- A lawsuit has been filed against a renowned UC Berkeley professor who allegedly sexually harassed and assaulted a former student and employee.