1. When you’re not really a “baby person,” you seem to constantly be surrounded by those that find these small beings really cute.
2. It’s not that you necessarily dislike babies, you would rather just see them from a distance.
3. Because babies are loud, messy, and completely unpredictable. A ticking time bomb, that’s what a baby is.
4. When everyone is melting at a baby video you’re just thinking, OK, I can eat a lemon too? What’s the big deal here.
5. It’s not that babies don’t excite you, it’s that they make you anxious and seriously nervous.
6. It’s just a blob, but it has thoughts. How creepy is that? Why is it staring at me right now!?
7. You often fear you will make a baby cry, probably by doing nothing at all.
8. What did I do? Why are you crying? Why are you making me feel awful all the time.
9. Do I want to hold it? No, I can see it from here just fine.
10. Being in the same room as a baby is your worst nightmare because eventually someone is going to make you hold it.
11. Your worst fear in life is holding it.
12. The only greater fear is that not only will you be holding it, but you will actually be left alone with it.
13. Yes, you refer to babies as “it” all the time.
14. You’re generally suspicious of babies. What are they thinking? What are they plotting?
15. You block any parents on Facebook that post endless baby photos, you don’t have time for that — you’re living your life.
16. Everyone thinks you are a cold, heartless human being. You’re not, you’re just sensible.
17. Can’t you just play with it when it has mastered the human language and basic hygiene?
18. If there is a choice between a dog and a baby, you choose the dog. Every time.
19. Everyone seems to have a grip on this “baby talk” thing except for you. What are you supposed to say? They can’t even understand, this is ludicrous.
20. Baby pictures? Not today.
21. Baby videos? No, thank you.
22. Babies dressed up as adorable animals? Move along.
23. You’re convinced that something this fragile and delicate shouldn’t really survive on this earth — oh my god, did I hurt it?
24. The hardest thing about not being a baby person is that when a baby does makes you smile or laugh — you question yourself down to your deepest core.
25. This only proves their immense power over us all — the small beings should be feared.
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