If there is one question that lesbian couples really don't have time for anymore, it's this one:
(Feel free to substitute in "man," "dude," "husband," etc.)
Here are a few simple responses to shut the question down:
1. (Audibly gasp and turn to your partner) "Are you a man? I thought I was gay?!"
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Dissolve into a fight until the questioning party moves away.
2. "Usually we just do rock-paper-scissors for it. Today I lost."
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You caught me. I'm the man today.
3. "You mean who wears the pants? We prefer it when neither of us wear them."
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Complete with a sly wink as you walk away. You can thank Wanda Sykes for this quip.
4. Don't even let them finish their question.
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A quick interruption of, "Shhhhhh. No," usually works, and then back away slowly.
5. Give "the look" to stop the conversation right there.
6. Whip out the dictionary and give them a quick vocabulary lesson:
7. Flip it.
8. Explain that there must be some sort of mistake:
9. "That's like asking which chopstick is the fork, you realize that – right?"
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Speak slowly and clearly – you are about to teach them a very big lesson.
10. Or: "So, which part of this salad is the pork chop?"
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Don't you know we're all vegetarians?
11. "Oh, no. You've misunderstood. We're actually both beans."
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Laugh maniacally in their faces before going about your business.
12. Quickly explain that following the rules of a gender binary is incredibly dull and predictable before RIDING AWAY ON YOUR STALLION.
That's how it's done.
