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16 Times Lying Is In Your Best Interest

Lie. Check pants for fire. Rinse. Repeat.

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After your parents launch an unprecedented investigation into your sex life

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You told me to wait until I’m 30, Mom. So obviously, that’s what I’ve been doing… Why, what have you heard?

During a break-up in which you are the initiator

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Look, this really isn't about your constant selfish behavior, tendency to go 4 weeks without doing laundry, or your overall negative outlook on life. I just think you deserve better than what I'm able to give you right now.

...And when someone asks how you're doing post-break up

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No one really needs to know that you've been sitting on the couch in your hot pink polka-dot Snuggie with a pint of double chocolate marshmallow cookie dough ice cream for the past 3 days.

After being prompted to theorize why your friend never heard back from the amazing, life-changing date he/she had last week

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His phone probably fell in the toilet, was then flushed down said toilet, and he hadn't backed up his contacts in the cloud yet.

After your friend decides to try DIY bangs

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Your previously generic brown eyes now look so much bigger and brighter. And your face shape? Totally model-esque. I really think this is going to start a trend.

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