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16 Times Lying Is In Your Best Interest

Lie. Check pants for fire. Rinse. Repeat.

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During a break-up in which you are the initiator


Look, this really isn't about your constant selfish behavior, tendency to go 4 weeks without doing laundry, or your overall negative outlook on life. I just think you deserve better than what I'm able to give you right now.

...And when someone asks how you're doing post-break up


No one really needs to know that you've been sitting on the couch in your hot pink polka-dot Snuggie with a pint of double chocolate marshmallow cookie dough ice cream for the past 3 days.

After being prompted to theorize why your friend never heard back from the amazing, life-changing date he/she had last week


His phone probably fell in the toilet, was then flushed down said toilet, and he hadn't backed up his contacts in the cloud yet.

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