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16 Times Lying Is In Your Best Interest

Lie. Check pants for fire. Rinse. Repeat.

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Upon receiving a present that was clearly purchased with zero consideration for the recipient

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Thank you soo much! This is the best Santa sweater I’ve ever gotten for Hanukkah!

Upon seeing a photo of your friend's ex's new girlfriend

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If you want my honest opinion, she looks like, at best, a much much uglier version of you.

After your parents launch an unprecedented investigation into your sex life

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You told me to wait until I’m 30, Mom. So obviously, that’s what I’ve been doing… Why, what have you heard?

The first time your significant other cooks you dinner… or the first time they make you anything for that matter

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Spaghetti in a coffee pot? Oh honey, you’re so resourceful!

When your perpetually late friend wants to know what time the dinner reservations are

Happy birthday! I booked an 8-10 open bar that starts promptly at 6:30pm.
Via imgflip.com

Happy birthday! I booked an 8-10 open bar that starts promptly at 6:30pm.

During a break-up in which you are the initiator

Look, this really isn't about your constant selfish behavior, tendency to go 4 weeks without doing laundry, or your overall negative outlook on life. I just think you deserve better than what I'm able to give you right now.
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Look, this really isn't about your constant selfish behavior, tendency to go 4 weeks without doing laundry, or your overall negative outlook on life. I just think you deserve better than what I'm able to give you right now.

...And when someone asks how you're doing post-break up

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No one really needs to know that you've been sitting on the couch in your hot pink polka-dot Snuggie with a pint of double chocolate marshmallow cookie dough ice cream for the past 3 days.

After being pulled over by a police officer

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I’m so very sorry, officer. My panic attacks started to act up and I had to get off that bridge as fast as possible.

When you completely forget about your Sunday morning brunch plans

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Would "I'm sorry you're sitting at Applebees by yourself, I just really needed to sleep in" really help anyone, anyway?

After being prompted to theorize why your friend never heard back from the amazing, life-changing date he/she had last week

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His phone probably fell in the toilet, was then flushed down said toilet, and he hadn't backed up his contacts in the cloud yet.

When your girlfriend asks whether or not a certain dress (or shirt or skirt) accentuates any unflattering body parts

What? No! Peplum looks good on EVERYONE!
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What? No! Peplum looks good on EVERYONE!

When your significant other asks about their *achem* skillset

Male or female, size doesn't matter. Unless your boyfriend is asking. Then size REALLY doesn't matter.
Via pinterest.com

Male or female, size doesn't matter. Unless your boyfriend is asking. Then size REALLY doesn't matter.

After your friend decides to try DIY bangs

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Your previously generic brown eyes now look so much bigger and brighter. And your face shape? Totally model-esque. I really think this is going to start a trend.

The first time you come face to face with your year-long crush

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I know we’ve never formally met, but I feel like I already know you from the shrine in my bedroom.

So here's to being smart, beautiful, prompt, and amazing at life!

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Now go get 'em, you pretty little liars.

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