1. From a review titled: “No more winning for you, Mr. Banana!“
For decades I have been trying to come up with an ideal way to slice a banana. “Use a knife!” they say. Well…my parole officer won’t allow me to be around knives. “Shoot it with a gun!” Background check…HELLO! I had to resort to carefully attempt to slice those bananas with my bare hands. 99.9% of the time, I would get so frustrated that I just ended up squishing the fruit in my hands and throwing it against the wall in anger. Then, after a fit of banana-induced rage, my parole officer introduced me to this kitchen marvel and my life was changed.
2. From a review titled: “Saved my marriage.“
What can I say about the 571B Banana Slicer that hasn’t already been said about the wheel, penicillin, or the iPhone…. this is one of the greatest inventions of all time. My husband and I would argue constantly over who had to cut the day’s banana slices. It’s one of those chores NO ONE wants to do! You know, the old “I spent the entire day rearing OUR children, maybe YOU can pitch in a little and cut these bananas?” and of course, “You think I have the energy to slave over your damn bananas? I worked a 12 hour shift just to come home to THIS?!” These are the things that can destroy an entire relationship. It got to the point where our children could sense the tension. The minute I heard our 6-year-old girl in her bedroom, re-enacting our daily banana fight with her Barbie dolls, I knew we had to make a change. That’s when I found the 571B Banana Slicer. Our marriage has never been healthier, AND we’ve even incorporated it into our lovemaking. THANKS 571B BANANA SLICER!
3. From a review titled: “GREAT Gift.“
Once I figured out I had to peel the banana before using - it works much better. Ordering one for my nephew who’s in the air force in California. He’s been using an old slinky to slice his banana’s. He should really enjoy this product!
4. From a review titled: “Angle is wrong.“
I tried the banana slicer and found it unacceptable. As shown in the picture, the slices is curved from left to right. All of my bananas are bent the other way.
5. From a review titled: “Confusing.“
There is no way to tell if this is a standard or metric banana slicer. Additional markings on it would help greatly.
6. From a review titled: “Just okay.“
I would rate this product as just okay. It’s kind of cheaply made. But it works better than the hammer I’ve been using to slice my bananas.
7. From a review titled: “Alternative product.“
This is a fine product, but it doesn’t work so well for unpeeled fruit. For a few dollars more I recommend this [link to wood chipper].
8. From a review titled: “Solo Slicing.“
I used to pay someone to slice my banana. Now I handle my own banana business. This product gave me the confidence I need to slice my own banana, any time, any where.
9. And finally, from a review – or short story – titled: “This product ruined my life.“
I guess I had what you would call a classic “ninja makes good” story. It’s a cliche at this point, but a lifetime of ninjitsu training in a remote Japanese dojo had made me a silent and relentless killing machine. Eventually, however, I could no longer ignore the ethical and moral implications of my trade. I turned my back on my former life and set about making an honest living. The one thing I could do - better than anyone - was slice a banana into perfect, even slices. My work was a wonder to behold. My list of clients included heads of state, famous actors, even a Kardashian. I gave back by slicing bananas for children’s hospital patients, entertaining the young ones with my swift yet deft katana work.
I was on top of the world.
When the calls first started to slow down, I blamed the economy. A luxury service like mine, surely, would be the first to go in a global economic meltdown. I felt pity for my clients, a pity that would soon prove the source of bitter irony, for it was THEY who should have pitied ME.
One night, feeling sorry for a favorite client (a leading political and intellectual light who loved her bananas sliced just so), I decided to bestow upon her a gift. How delighted she would be, I thought to myself, when she awoke in the morning and found a perfectly sliced banana, just waiting for her cereal and milk. How she would savor each bite of this lost luxury.
My feet glided silently across the rooftops of the city until I alit upon her roof. Creeping noiselessly down the wall, my heart beating in anticipation, I reached the kitchen window. But before I could slide my fingers to the window to open it, I beheld a horrifying scene. Wielding a 571B, she quickly prepared perfect, even banana slices and scattered them lazily on a bed of wheaties.
It was then that I knew. I was an anachronism, out of place in this modern world, supplanted by a piece of plastic with perfectly spaced banana cutters.
I’m giving this product one star because it’s just IMPOSSIBLE to clean.