If Cassie Clare's Shadowhunters Ate In The Mean Girls Cafeteria

Just some book worm word vomit that is totally fetch.

With the upcoming City of Bones movie, we got to thinking - What would happen if the Shadowhunters walked into the Mean Girls cafeteria? We mapped out where they would sit according to The Mortal Instruments & The Infernal Devices series by Cassandra Clare.

Freshman

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Max Lightwood, The Mortal Instruments

Max is the youngest Lightwood brother & often gets left behind while the adults go about hunting demons. And, like many Freshmen, he looks small for his age.

ROTC Guys

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Alec Lightwood, The Mortal Instruments

Alec, unlike his sister Isabelle, is noted for his seriousness & complete dedication to his Shadowhunter responsibilities. Clever, loyal & handsome, he's sure to have signed up for the ROTC – choosing to spend his weekends training & focusing on his future career endeavors rather than trying to make new friends.

Preps

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Isabelle Lightwood, The Mortal Instruments

Isabelle is a kickass babe, but she also has class. She's only ever seen in dresses & totally confident in her own skin. She could definitely sit with the Plastics if it weren't for her snobbish attitude toward mundanes & Downworlders.

J.V. Jocks

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Jessamine Lovelace, The Infernal Devices

A sucker for dollhouses & fancy dresses, her weapon of choice is a pink parasol with flowers. Although she has Shadowhunter blood (& therefore totes qualified to sit at the Varsity table), her total disdain for the Shadowhunter lifestyle (& her killer fashion sense) forces her to sit with JVs.

Asian Nerds

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Simon Lewis, The Mortal Instruments

OK – so technically Simon isn't Asian. But you definitely don't have to be Asian to be an Asian nerd. With his intense love for Dungeons & Dragons & manga, the Asian Nerds would totes welcome him with open arms. Or ignore him completely. Which is fine since he could always join the Sexually Active Band Geeks.

Cool Asians

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Magnus Bane, The Mortal Instruments, The Infernal Devices, & The Bane Chronicles

Does this even need an explanation? He's the High Warlock of Brooklyn & throws the sickest parties. A quarter Indonesian, a quarter Dutch & half demon, Magnus has definitely got the looks & the style to hang with the Cool Asians.

Varsity Jocks

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Jace Wayland, The Mortal Instruments

Arrogant, charming & extremely awesome at slaying demons, Jace is pretty much the jock in the Shadowhunter world. He's basically Aaron Samuels & Shane Oman combined. Oh – and did we mention his amazing good looks? If Jace sat in front of us in math, we'd pretty much lose our ability to understand limits, too.

Unfriendly Black Hotties

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Church, The Mortal Instruments & The Infernal Devices

Church isn't actually black. And, okay, he's actually a blue Persian cat. He knows everything about the Institute (his hair is full of secrets – sort of like Gretchen Wieners) & while friendly to those that he knows, he's definitely suspicious of strangers. Approach with caution.

Girls Who Eat Their Feelings

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The Vampires, The Mortal Instruments

The vampires need blood to survive & a newborn vampire (also called "fledgling") is completely crazy for "food" & will attack pretty much anything – friend or foe. Talk about eating your feelings.

Girls Who Don't Eat Anything

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The Silent Brothers, The Mortal Instruments & The Infernal Devices

A group of male Shadowhunters who live in the Silent City who are obsessed with archiving Shadowhunter history & look mutilated under their robes, do they even have time to eat? Until North Shore starts an emo table, they'll be sitting with the Girls Who Don't Eat Anything – too busy with other things to eat.

Desperate Wannabes

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Hodge Starkweather, The Mortal Instruments

A former member of The Circle, Hodge is the tutor at the New York Institute & cursed by the Clave to be unable to leave. With the Circle gone & the Clave shunning him, poor old Hodge doesn't belong to any group – except maybe the Desperate Wannabes.

Sexually Active Band Geeks

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Eric, The Mortal Instruments

If anyone belongs at this table, it's Eric. He's in a band with Simon (and obvi plays the drums, which is pretty much as cool as musical instruments can be), his current relationship is with Sheila "The Thong" Barbarino & is often referred to as a sexist pig by Clary. If the Sexually Active Band Geeks had to elect a leader, Eric would definitely win the title.

The Greatest People You Will Ever Meet

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Clary Fray, Jocelyn Fray & Luke Garroway, The Mortal Instruments

Artsy, unique, loyal & generally awesome, Clary, Jocelyn & Luke are sure to be at the Greatest People You Will Ever Meet table. Both Clary & Jocelyn would totally be down to go to Janis Ian's art show & Damian would probably perform dramatic monologues in Luke's bookstore from time to time. How do we make this actually happen?

And the worst: Beware of The Plastics

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The Circle & Valentine Morgenstern, The Mortal Instruments

Similar to the Plastics, The Circle is basically the worst. Valentine Morgenstern is an evil dictator with his high-status man candy (or girl candy in this case), "hot" body (obvi) & army of skanks (The Circle).

Feeling out of the loop?

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Read City of Bones before the movies opens on August 21st!

Not Enough?

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Read The Bane Chronicles free on Pulseit.com for a limited time!