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How Sexy Is Christian Grey, Really?

When you read the books, you realise this guy is kind of a weirdo.

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  1. Here are 74 things Christian Grey does, according to the books. Tick all that turn you on.

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    Is tall
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    Is in his 20s
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    Has unruly, copper-coloured hair
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    Has a dusting of dark hair on his chest. (NB: Not red like on his head.)
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    Has intense, ‘bright grey’ eyes
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    Has straight nose
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    Has square jaw
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    Has long fingers
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    Has neat, cursive handwriting
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    Fingers are long. Can’t stress that enough
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    Unpeels muffins in a fascinating way
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    Has sculptured, pouty lips
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    Moves around his office with lithe athletic grace
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    Refuses to wear anything that’s not grey, white or black
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    Wants you to agree, in writing, to having beauty treatments on his command at the salon of his choosing
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    Is punctual
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    Smells clean
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    Is nude pianist
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    Has scars on torso which are a dark secret that must never be revealed except to the woman who melts his icy heart
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    Scars are from being abused as a child
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    Likes Jeff Buckley
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    Likes Kings Of Leon
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    Likes Nelly Furtado
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    Likes The Police
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    Likes Metallica
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    Likes Sheryl Crow
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    Plays you songs that a girl he once slept with put on his iPod
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    Earns $100,000 an hour
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    Uses a BlackBerry
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    Buys you a BlackBerry
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    Sends you lots of emails on it, all the time
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    Puts : ) smiley faces at the end
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    Quotes famous businessmen like Andrew Carnegie and Harvey Firestone at you
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    Only has hot blondes working for him
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    Wants you to agree, in writing, to what he can hit you with and what he can put up your anus and vagina
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    Says, "Laters, baby"
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    Says, "Sometimes it’s great being me"
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    Is surprisingly strong
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    Has broad shoulders, narrow hips and abdominal muscles that ripple when he walks
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    Runs
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    Does weights
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    Kickboxes
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    Has a personal trainer called Claude
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    Spanks you with a Perspex ruler
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    Has three cars, two homes, a glider, a helicopter, a personal gynaecologist and a yacht
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    Calls the helicopter "Charlie Tango"
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    Can find you anywhere by tracking your mobile phone
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    Can dance
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    Has a vicelike grip
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    Likes to pull your hair
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    Likes to blow-dry your hair
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    Has had sex with 15 women
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    Has never had a girlfriend
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    Longest sexual relationship was with his mum’s best friend
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    Is still in regular contact with his mum’s best friend
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    Named his yacht after his mum
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    Wants his brother to go out with your friend
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    Posters on his wall at his parents’ house include The Matrix, The Truman Show and kickboxer Giuseppe de Natale
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    Wants you to draw on him with lipstick
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    Can’t cook
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    Can’t even use a microwave
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    Is obsessed with making you eat
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    Orders your food for you
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    Tells you what wine to have with it
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    Wants you to agree, in writing, to exercise and avoid snacking between meals so you don’t get fat
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    Wants to know when your periods are
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    Uses a citrus-scented polish to keep his torture room nice
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    Hates the word ‘nice’
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    Hates being touched
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    Becomes uncontrollably, violently horny whenever you bite your lip
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    Keeps telling you off for biting your lip
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    Comes up behind you in the bathroom and pulls out your tampon
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    Clamps your nipples
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    Remembers how you like your tea
 
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