1. You've probably heard that everything in Australia is trying to kill you.
2. Always has been, and always will be.
3. From the weather...
4. ...to the electrics...
5. ...to the shit lurking under your bonnet.
6. Nothing is safe – not even your kitchen tongs!
7. (THOUGH FUCK THE ELECTRICS TBH)
8. A nation where spiders take on snakes – and win.
9. Pretty much every day.
10. Where you're always assured of a warm welcome.
11. Particularly if you're a foreign invader.
12. And you'll never have to poop alone.
13. A nation where the neighbours are real friendly.
14. A nation where you should always STAY OUT OF THE WATER.
15. Seriously?!
16. Ooof.
17. Crocodiles. Stingers. Sharks. Everything you could want from a beach right?
18. Take the dolphin's advice: stay out of the water.
19. Need any more persuasion?!
20. Nope?!
21. Australia! A nation where your best hope of survival is praying that something big will eat the thing trying to eat you – before you get eaten.
22. Or get distracted by something more interesting.
23. A wonderful nation that strikes fear in your heart the moment you step outside.
24. Seriously, do yourself a favour – do not go outside.
25. You don't want to be blown away.
26. Australia! A nation whose road hazards include gigantic dinosaurlike birds.
27. Joyriding koalas.
28. And people driving without steering wheels.
29. A nation grappling with biosecurity issues.
30. Where some residents take signs too literally.
31. Where space is closer than the nearest town.
32. Where this is a local delicacy.
33. A land of such extremes that last year hundreds of bats dropped dead during a heatwave.
34. A land so vast that a sheep can stroll around like this for five years and no one will notice.
35. A land where kangaroos can fall from the sky.
36. But ultimately, a nation where everyone knows their place.
37. And fits right in.
AUSTRALIA, BATSHIT INSANIA!
