1. You've probably heard that everything in Australia is trying to kill you.

Channel Nine
2. Always has been, and always will be.

3. From the weather...

Brett Martin / Via Facebook: perthweatherlive
4. ...to the electrics...

5. ...to the shit lurking under your bonnet.

6. Nothing is safe – not even your kitchen tongs!

Adelaide University
7. (THOUGH FUCK THE ELECTRICS TBH)

8. A nation where spiders take on snakes – and win.
9. Pretty much every day.

10. Where you're always assured of a warm welcome.

George Helon / Via thechronicle.com.au
11. Particularly if you're a foreign invader.

12. And you'll never have to poop alone.

13. A nation where the neighbours are real friendly.

Eupen Hjalmby / Via Twitter: @GCBulletin
14. A nation where you should always STAY OUT OF THE WATER.

15. Seriously?!

16. Ooof.

17. Crocodiles. Stingers. Sharks. Everything you could want from a beach right?

19. Need any more persuasion?!

SEFTIA / Via abc.net.au
20. Nope?!

SEFTIA / Via abc.net.au
21. Australia! A nation where your best hope of survival is praying that something big will eat the thing trying to eat you – before you get eaten.

Tiffany Corlis / Barcroft
22. Or get distracted by something more interesting.

23. A wonderful nation that strikes fear in your heart the moment you step outside.

24. Seriously, do yourself a favour – do not go outside.

25. You don't want to be blown away.

Getty Images
26. Australia! A nation whose road hazards include gigantic dinosaurlike birds.

27. Joyriding koalas.

Sam Box / Via 9news.com.au
28. And people driving without steering wheels.

South Australia Police / Via abc.net.au
29. A nation grappling with biosecurity issues.

30. Where some residents take signs too literally.

32. Where this is a local delicacy.

33. A land of such extremes that last year hundreds of bats dropped dead during a heatwave.

34. A land so vast that a sheep can stroll around like this for five years and no one will notice.

Tammy Ven Dange / Via abc.net.au
35. A land where kangaroos can fall from the sky.

36. But ultimately, a nation where everyone knows their place.

37. And fits right in.

AUSTRALIA, BATSHIT INSANIA!
Channel Nine