New Zanada Is Officially The Nicest Country In The World

Sure, Ameristralia is the world’s biggest nation. But biggest isn’t always best.

1. Forever in their noisy neighbours’ shadows, Canada and New Zealand have decided to form the proud nation of New Zanada.

2. New Zanadians are officially Earth’s nicest people.

3. They are generally peaceful towards their Ameristralian neighbours, until it comes to THE ONLY TWO SPORTS THAT MATTER.

4. Warmed up with a good old-fashioned ice hockey haka.

5. Haka hockey = the ultimate New Zanadian sport.

6. That and pointing out who brews the better beer.

7. New Zanada’s national animal is the ferocious Kiwoose.

8. A truly MAJESTIC creature.

9. Don’t mess: It could suck your heart out and wear it on its antlers as a trophy!

10. New Zanada’s two largest cities are remarkably similar. This is not a coincidence.

Auckland, South NZ

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Toronto, North NZ

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11. Also, part of lower Zanada looks exactly like upper Zanada.

12. Discussions are underway to work out how to pipe maple syrup from lower to upper New Zanada.

13. All routes are being considered. (Well, two.)

14. A true marriage of equals, New Zanada tolerates none of the overwhelming North American bias that characterises Ameristralia.

According to New Zanadanians, 99% of Ameristralians are just Americans.

15. Instead, citizens pledge their allegiance to the first nation of hurling.

16. New Zanada’s desire to be recognised as a nation is not without difficulties.

17. But these will be overcome with the help of New Zanada’s hottest men.

18. New Zanada folks: a marriage of equals.

19. All together now: “Team New Zanada, fuck yeah!”

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Simon Crerar is founding editor of BuzzFeed Australia and is based in Sydney.
 
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