1) And we’re off.
2) Goodbye suburbia.
3) Goodbye country towns.
4) Hello bush.
5) Hello outback.
6) Wow, it’s flat.
7) Wow, it’s red.
8) Wow, it’s empty.
9 There’s literally NOTHING down there.
10) Have we got enough fuel?!
11) It’s very dry.
12) Does it ever rain?
13) Like seriously, the ground is parched.
14) Are there any rivers?
15) That looks like a lake, but its empty.
16) Where are all the people?
17) There’s no one down there. The land is empty.
18 Oh wait, there’s a road.
19) But no cars. Where is everyone?!
20) OH WAIT, THERE’S A CAR!!!!
21) Maybe one day I’ll drive across.
22) How many days would that take anyway?
23) Like how far is it from Sydney to Perth?
24) 4,000km? So that’s what, seven days driving ten hours a day.
25) Why would anyone do that?
26) Guess it could be a fun drive.
27) But I’d probably run out of gas or get killed by a crazy stalker.
28) And no one would ever find my body.
29 Apart from the wedge-tailed eagles, who’d peck my eyes out.
30) Hmmm, maybe I’ll stick to flying.
31) Isn’t it mind-blowing that virtually everyone in this country lives at the very edge?
32) What are we scared of?
33) There must be plenty of snakes down there.
34) Insanely Scary Inland Taipans and Crazy Deadly Desert Snakes?
35) Wonder what they think of the planes flying across ten km above them.
36) Is that Uluru? Probably not.
37) It’s big right, but surely you couldn’t see it from up here. Could you?!
38) Wish I’d paid a bit more attention in Geography.
39) How many places in the outback do I know anyway?
40) Alice Springs. Ummmm. Wolf Creek? Is that a place? Wagga Wagga?
41) Where the hell are we?
42) Would anyone ever find us if we crashed?
43) Is that a camel?
44) What the hell are camels doing in Australia anyway?
45) Are they marsupial camels?
46) Wish I’d paid more attention in Biology.
47) Apparently we ship camels to Saudi Arabia.
48) What the hell is wrong with their camels?
49) And what do they do with our camels when they get there?!
50) Wow, it’s flat.
51) And that red earth really is red isn’t it?
52) How can one country be so big?
53) How can one country be so flat and red?
54) How does anyone live down there with no water?
55) And so far from David Jones and Myers?
56) Do they have Woolies and Coles down there?
57) Surely they have Hungry Jacks and Maccas?
58) Everything must take so long to get there.
59) Can you see road trains from up here?
60) They’re pretty big right?
61) Like how big? Five trailers? Is that right?
62) And the drivers drive non-stop for days.
63) Loaded up to the eyeballs with speed.
64) The roads must be pretty dangerous.
65) They’re so straight even speed probably wouldn’t keep me awake.
66) So. Sydney to Perth is 3,950km.
67) That’s like the whole of Europe.
68) Or the width of the USA.
69) Say Moscow to Lisbon.
70) Or New York to Seattle.
71) How many people live in Europe? 700 million?
72) How many people live in the US? 300 million?
73) How many people live in Australia? 23 million?
74) AUSTRALIA IS EMPTY!!!!!!!!!!!
75) Apparently the outback is full of cattle.
76) Doesn’t look like prime grazing land to me.
77) Like, how do cows graze on desert?
78) And once they’ve eaten, what happens when the wind blows?
79) The soil will blow away right?
80) No wonder farming in the outback is a challenge.
81) Cattle stations are massive.
82) Like some are bigger than Belgium.
83) How big is Belgium anyway? Bigger than Tassie?
84) Either Belgium is three times bigger than Tassie, or it’s the other way round.
85) Wish I’d paid MUCH more attention in Geography.
86) The main thing people do in the the outback is drink right?
87) There doesn’t look like much else to do.
88) Guess they really must love the great outdoors.
89) Are we nearly there yet?
90) Seriously, I’m scared.
91) WHAT IS THAT?! Get me back to the coast.
92) If we crashed, no one would ever find us.
93) Seriously. ARE WE NEARLY THERE YET?!
94) Wow, that sky is amazingly blue.
95) How many planes are up here anyway?
96) How come they don’t crash into each other?
97) Oh, air traffic control, of course.
98) But what if the computers all went down at the same time?
99) Then a lot of planes would be flying around blind.
100) Least there’s lots of space for crash landings.
101) WOW, IT SURE IS BIG.
An earlier version of this post attempted to poke fun at some Australians’ fear of the unknown. This point was clumsily made and has been removed.