1. Once upon a time there was a lone warrior tortoise.
He roamed Santa Monica in search of food…
“The cactus drew first blood!” he said.
Nothing could keep Rambo from a prefect…round…beer.
Occasionally, Rambo himself was mistaken for a hamburger.
Now, Rambo spreads the word about tortoise conservation.
But at the end of the day, he walks out into the sunset alone…at .005 mph.
- The World Health Organization says there is "no public health justification" for postponing or moving the Rio Olympics because of Zika virus.
- Never mind the $10 million: Donald Trump now says he won't debate "second place finisher" Bernie Sanders.
- No, France has not banned people from sending work emails after hours – no matter how much we all want to believe it 🇫🇷 ✉️