1. Once upon a time there was a lone warrior tortoise.
He roamed Santa Monica in search of food…
“The cactus drew first blood!” he said.
Nothing could keep Rambo from a prefect…round…beer.
Occasionally, Rambo himself was mistaken for a hamburger.
Now, Rambo spreads the word about tortoise conservation.
But at the end of the day, he walks out into the sunset alone…at .005 mph.
- Donald Trump's campaign chief Stephen Bannon said "he doesn't like Jews," according to his ex-wife.