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20 Hilarious Jokes Women Tweeted This Week

"Millennials be like: Terrible service. 5 stars and 20% tip so this idiot can pay their bills."


im officially taken 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 as a fucking joke


I don’t give a fuck about “moist” but if you ever use the word “delicious” or even “tasty” to describe something that isn’t food I might have to kill you


him: “she’s prob cheating on me on her girls trip” her:


them: “you need to battle your demons” me & my demons:



For every hour I spend with someone I gotta spend 72 hrs alone


I hope this guy i met at the Eiffel Tower and asked for a pic of us kissing so i could pretend i had a romantic time in Paris is doing good.


I don’t care for math. if a number wants to get different that’s none of my business


10:30pm on friday night absolutely posted in bed with a candle lit I rly truly envy 14th century bitches who died long before they reached 23 I am so tired


millenials b like: terrible service. 5 stars and 20% tip so this idiot can pay their bills


Body: we need sleep Me: no, if we sleep before 11:30 we lose Body: what the fuck are you talking about


My sister is a fool 😂 she killed this though @KekePalmer IG: ebscurlytv


imagine being a kid, going trick or treating, and receiving candy from your friendly neighbor sitting on his porch steps: paul rudd


this sweet man ..... made a twitter account to show me his pasta because you cant send pictures on tinder


If anyone wants to know how my weekend went I totaled my car while dressed up as Carrie and everyone who was a first responder thought I was dead HAHAHAHA IM SO SORRY


A little girl with green hair chalk just asked me if my hair was dyed for Halloween. When I told her it was green year round she turned to her dad and screamed: “YOU SAID GREEN HAIR WAS ILLEGAL AFTER HALLOWEEN! WHY DID YOU LIE?!”


my therapist just referred to her therapist as my grand-therapist . trying to process.


dating a skinny guy is cool and all until you’re cooking and you accidentally boil him with the noodles


my bf fell asleep in the living room so i went to the room and fell asleep tell me whyyyy this mf was up at 5 am standing at the foot of the bed w the blanket wrapped around him in the dark talking bout “why you left me in there by myself” i almost pissed myself 😭😭😭


another girl just passed me this note across our lecture hall, im baby🥺