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    These 18 Tweets From Women Totally Made My Week Better

    "Hey boss sorry I’m 3 hours late I was trying to figure out how influencers tuck giant sweaters into tiny skirts."



    y’all: iM teLLiNg mY kIdS tHiS wAs- global warming:


    seeking a hades/persephone style romantic arrangement where six months out of the year i live with my rich-as-hell husband in a palace and then he is literally not allowed to speak to me for the next six months while i pursue my independent creative projects


    Saying 'yes daddy' - boring - overused - reinforces patriarchal ideals Saying 'yes chef' - cool - inventive - gender neutral


    I am the “+ National Geographic” of every party I’ve ever been to


    Hey boss sorry I’m 3 hours late I was trying to figure out how influencers tuck giant sweaters into tiny skirts


    if you pay 5 extra dollars you should be able to watch CATS without CGI. just like, james corden covered in green dots licking his own hand


    I’ve been laughing for 10 mins straight😭


    my mom just sent me this video of my brother singing sins and i’m literally crying


    Detective trying to solve my murder: there are two wine glasses on her nightstand... this must mean she had company. My ghost lighting up a ghost cigarette: lol ok big man let’s go with that


    i’m going to tell my kids this was a chipotle bag


    gonna tell my kids this was nick jonas and priyanka chopra



    there is no reason for the first splash mountain ad to be this horny


    met a woman in a bathroom line last night who told me she was a writer and I said I was one too and she was like "oh we're that Spiderman meme" and then we both immediately, instinctively pointed fingers at each other and I'm still thinking about it


    so yesterday i gave my number to a cute guy in the dining hall... LMFAOOO



    We cracked the code to potty training our daughter. Spider man underwear. It took her picking out her own Spider-Man underwear to completely potty train herself. She won’t have an accident because she “can’t go potty on Spider-Man”. I can’t believe that’s all it took lol


    my dad wrote me a report card when I was 11

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