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    22 Tweets By Women This Week That Deserve An Award

    "Nipples are just boob straws."

    BuzzFeed

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    i tried to follow the baddest bitch on twitter but it said edit profile

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    Murder Podcast: she vanished and was never seen again. There was blood everywhere. Her quiet home town was ROCKED to its core. [5 seconds later] But let me take a second to talk about Rothy's, the every day flats for life on the go

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    one of our team members handed in their notice like this 😂😂😂

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    “Up high” *slaps hand “Down low” *misses “Too slow” Me as a kid:

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    i think everyone should see this 💀

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    can’t believe my child covered her face and flipped the camera off on this ultrasound 🤦🏾‍♀️😂 like who taught her this.

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    When he introduces you as his “girl” in front of his friends.🤣🤣 https://t.co/OcF2B5PbtZ

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    “could a depressed person do THIS?” she says at 12:15am as she folds her laundry that came out of the dryer six days ago

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    My teacher asked me to give a speech with an audience of 3 but I only have 1 friend & 2 wigs 😭

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    You ever quit a job application halfway through cause they askin Too Fucking Much?😭

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    The guy at Chick-Fil-A called me “ma’am” three times and gave me double the number of sauces I asked for. So. Looks like I’m no longer single

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    My mom literally sucks at calling AirPods by their name: “I can’t find my earmuffs” “Have you seen my ipads” “Dang my apple ears wont connect” “My iEars aren’t working” “It didn’t ring in my Applephones” “Do your AirEars ever do that” “I need my headset” SIS. AIRPODS. DASSIT.

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    “behold the field in which I grow my fucks and see that it is barren” -megan rapinoe

    Elsa / Getty Images

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    i have 2 moods: i want to get married to the loml and have babies RIGHT NOW or i’m soooooo independent i’m going to move to greece by myself and start a hotel and sing in a band with my 2 best friends and accidentally have a daughter out of wedlock there’s no in between

    17.

    emos don’t get an uber they get a death cab for cutie

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    high school teachers you could be real with: -history teachers -english teachers high school teachers that were cops: -math teachers -gym teachers

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    my parents are such goofs they drove out to the backroads so my dad could play the cows the songs he’s been learning on the saxophone pt.1

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    joined that Facebook group where you can only talk like Boomers and I’m having the time of my life

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