1. The week after your break up, it starts to set in. You’ve resolved to binge eating sour straws and watching Titanic 20+ times.
You finally realize that Rose is a selfish bitch who could’ve shared that measly wooden plank with Jack.
5. That one jackass can’t believe you’ve broken up with your significant other. You convince them and yourself that you hate your ex.
Respect the Ocean. Respect it.
6. You reminisce about the good times you had together.
8. You realize you were an idiot.
9. Your friends convince you to go out, and you do but….
10. You end up dressing up somewhere between a colorblind hobo and Bjork. And some fucker calls you out on it.
11. You cry because nothing is going right.
16. Sadness returns and you don’t give a shit about anything else except food.
Don’t fuck with a sad/hungry person
17. You need to clean your room/house and find something of theirs and the floodgates open.
19. You decide to get naked wasted alone!!!
20. You delve into weird activities to preoccupy your time/distract you.
Underwater basket weaving anyone?
21. Your friends stage an intervention and set you straight…
…or verbally smack the shit out of you until you realize that they’re right.
24. You realize you got naked with some weird fuck and question your taste in wo/men.
26. You contemplate becoming a celibate monk who lives in a subterranean cave in Bhutan.
27. You decide against it and go have a drink or 3…or 7.
28. You make a pact/goal with another single friend.
29. You finally move on and kick him/her to the curb!
Good for you!!
30. You run into that asshole who dissed you about your questionable style, and they tell you “You look fly as fuck.” You’ll probably bang…
Go for it.
But you should probably bathe after this…
- French authorities have begun moving thousands of migrants and refugees from the makeshift "Jungle" camp in Calais.
- Trump supporters haranguing the press at rallies has become routine. Now, the alt-right has adopted an old Nazi term to describe reporters.
- Jay Z is holding a concert for Clinton in Ohio aimed at mobilizing a group she's struggled to excite: black voters. 🎤
- Girl Scout cookies for breakfast: General Mills says a cereal will be released in January 😋