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21 Secrets Fortnum & Mason Staff Won't Tell You

We handle an insane amount of cash.

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1. There are still children in this world who call their parents “mother” and “father”.

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And a hell of a lot of twentysomethings who call their mum “mummy”.

4. All of our colleagues are either posh gap year kids...

Instagram: @nickcooke2000

They all went to Charterhouse together, and now they’re all working in Fortnum's for a few months before heading off to South East Asia.

6. And the veteran employees know everything


If someone comes in looking for a diamond-encrusted candle snuffer with a portrait of Queen Victoria carved into the handle, they'll manage to produce one from the back of the stockroom.

7. We spend a lot of time running up and down these stairs.

Twitter: @AnAnnoyingTweep

When someone arrives at the till with a basketful of goods from all over the shop and then decides they don’t want any of it, we head here first.

10. All of our families receive birthday and Christmas presents bought with our staff discount.

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Because we sure as hell won’t be buying them Fortnum’s china after we leave.

14. Working in the Food Hall at Christmas is the actual worst.

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Everyone in this country comes in to buy their grandmother some Fortnum’s tea and jam for their stocking.

15. Given the right description, even the simplest of items can sound incredibly fancy.

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Whoever works in the Fortnum & Mason copywriting department deserves an award.

16. There are more types of jam than you could ever imagine.

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If you thought marmalade was a bit different, then you need to wrap your eyes around the Fortnum’s selection.

19. We never fully understand what kind of person takes a Fortnum's hamper on a picnic.

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And when someone hands us enough money to cover your monthly rent to pay for one, we want to cry a tiny bit.

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