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21 Secrets Fortnum & Mason Staff Won't Tell You

We handle an insane amount of cash.

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1. There are still children in this world who call their parents “mother” and “father”.

And a hell of a lot of twentysomethings who call their mum “mummy”.
Walt Disney

And a hell of a lot of twentysomethings who call their mum “mummy”.

2. It doesn't take long for us to lose any sense of what a "normal" price is.

£6.50 for a jar of dolly mixture or foam prawns? Yeah, why not?
Sophie Hines / BuzzFeed

£6.50 for a jar of dolly mixture or foam prawns? Yeah, why not?

3. Because even the Christmas decorations we sell are posher than us.

An owl in a top hat? Sure.
Twitter: @tazjai66

An owl in a top hat? Sure.

4. All of our colleagues are either posh gap year kids...

Instagram: @nickcooke2000

They all went to Charterhouse together, and now they’re all working in Fortnum's for a few months before heading off to South East Asia.

5. … or people who've worked there for 50 years.

Sometimes it seems like they've been there since the shop opened in 1707.
Twitter: @theRandyGardner

Sometimes it seems like they've been there since the shop opened in 1707.

6. And the veteran employees know everything

CBS

If someone comes in looking for a diamond-encrusted candle snuffer with a portrait of Queen Victoria carved into the handle, they'll manage to produce one from the back of the stockroom.

7. We spend a lot of time running up and down these stairs.

When someone arrives at the till with a basketful of goods from all over the shop and then decides they don’t want any of it, we head here first.
Twitter: @AnAnnoyingTweep

When someone arrives at the till with a basketful of goods from all over the shop and then decides they don’t want any of it, we head here first.

8. Occasionally we get to serve an actual celebrity.

Ever wondered where the super rich do their shopping? It’s Fortnum’s.
Twitter: @damianfieldpr

Ever wondered where the super rich do their shopping? It’s Fortnum’s.

9. But we've all been warned not to overreact.

Logo TV

We stay straight-faced and pretend they’re not famous. And then we SCREAM as soon as they leave the area.

10. All of our families receive birthday and Christmas presents bought with our staff discount.

Because we sure as hell won’t be buying them Fortnum’s china after we leave.
Sophie Hines / BuzzFeed

Because we sure as hell won’t be buying them Fortnum’s china after we leave.

11. And our mums ask us to steal Fortnum's bags so they can look posh when they do the Tesco shop.

Why not?

12. It's amazing how quickly we got used to wearing a frock coats to work and coming in through the backdoor.

It's all very Downton.
ITV

It's all very Downton.

13. We all feel a bit sorry for the doormen. Especially when it's freezing outside.

But also, we're jealous of their top hats.
Sophie Hines / BuzzFeed

But also, we're jealous of their top hats.

14. Working in the Food Hall at Christmas is the actual worst.

Everyone in this country comes in to buy their grandmother some Fortnum’s tea and jam for their stocking.
Sophie Hines / BuzzFeed

Everyone in this country comes in to buy their grandmother some Fortnum’s tea and jam for their stocking.

15. Given the right description, even the simplest of items can sound incredibly fancy.

Whoever works in the Fortnum & Mason copywriting department deserves an award.
Sophie Hines / BuzzFeed

Whoever works in the Fortnum & Mason copywriting department deserves an award.

16. There are more types of jam than you could ever imagine.

If you thought marmalade was a bit different, then you need to wrap your eyes around the Fortnum’s selection.
Sophie Hines / BuzzFeed

If you thought marmalade was a bit different, then you need to wrap your eyes around the Fortnum’s selection.

17. The same goes for tea.

There really is a tea for every occasion.
Sophie Hines / BuzzFeed

There really is a tea for every occasion.

18. Perfume biscuits are a thing.

Posh old ladies buy them to eat on their country estates, one assumes.
Sophie Hines / BuzzFeed

Posh old ladies buy them to eat on their country estates, one assumes.

19. We never fully understand what kind of person takes a Fortnum's hamper on a picnic.

And when someone hands us enough money to cover your monthly rent to pay for one, we want to cry a tiny bit.
Sophie Hines / BuzzFeed

And when someone hands us enough money to cover your monthly rent to pay for one, we want to cry a tiny bit.

20. And who exactly buys their milk at Fortnum’s?

What kinda house do you live in for Fortnum & Mason to be your corner shop?
Twitter: @TrewdyTheCow

What kinda house do you live in for Fortnum & Mason to be your corner shop?

21. But, it has to be said: Working somewhere that looks like this always feels a bit fabulous.

Beats Debenhams, to be fair.
Twitter: @DNSfeed

Beats Debenhams, to be fair.