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22 Brutally Honest Confessions From A Costa Barista

Just don't say "expresso".

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1. Ordering an "expresso" will never cease to annoy us.

Once and for all, people: IT’S ESPRESSO.

2. And setting our alarms for the morning shift never stops hurting.

But hey, at least we have coffee on tap.

3. We get a weird buzz at rush hour when our coffee-making-at-extreme-speed skills are put to the test.

Although that could just be all the caffeine we’ve inhaled in preparation.

4. Even though morning commuters never chat to us until they've had their caffeine fix.

Caffeine. Lots of it. NOW.

5. Collecting and stacking the dirty cups and dishes is the worst job.

You think stacking the dishwasher with your own filthy plates is gross? Try doing it for complete strangers.
Twitter: @markersketch

You think stacking the dishwasher with your own filthy plates is gross? Try doing it for complete strangers.

6. And we'll always be amazed by how much people waste.

Why order a massimo coffee then leave half of it? It's such a waste of money!

7. Creating cappuccino foam is a seriously tricky business.

And when 10 people order them in a row our skills are tested to the max.

8. But it's not as tiring as explaining the different types of coffee to every single customer.

“What’s a latte?” “What’s a cappuccino?” “So what’s the difference?”

9. A lot of middle-aged people panic when they get to the counter and go, “I just want A NORMAL COFFEE” while staring in bewilderment at the menu.

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Just order an Americano with milk and you’re good.

10. But others think they’re being really clever with their coffee orders and just make stuff up.

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A “skinny iced mocha extra dry” is not a thing. Next.

11. When we see a gaggle of 13-year-old girls approaching us, we start getting the ingredients for our Chocolate Coolers ready.

Unless it’s freezing, in which case it’s hot chocolates all round. With all the trimmings.

12. People try to order "frappuccinos" all the time, but we are not Starbucks.

We call them Coolers here.

13. We’re always keeping an eye out for broken biscuits or gone-off sandwiches.

Can’t serve it to customers = free food!

14. Nothing makes us feel as silly as fruitlessly trying to find the owner of a toasted panini.

They queued at the counter, bought it, and now they’ve disappeared off the face of the earth.

15. We have to develop asbestos hands to deal with the heat.

At first every time we measured the temperature of the milk jug it hurt, but now our hands are like oven gloves.

16. But having to unstack the dishwasher the second it's finished will always hurt a bit.

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So. Damn. Hot.

17. Sometimes we want to point out that ordering the world’s most calorific drink with "skinny" milk is not gonna make it healthy.

But then we remember the muffin we snaffled at lunchtime and decide we're in no place to preach.

18. We get far too excited about the Christmas cups arriving.

Who needs Starbucks red cups when you’ve got these bad boys?

19. Seeing people Instagram their coffee is always funny.

We can see you.

20. Some of our regulars are...interesting characters.

Same time, same chair, same coffee, every day.

21. And even though every Costa has one know-it-all barista on the staff...

22. ...most of our colleagues feel like family.

Those who make 4,000 lattes together, stick together.