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12 Signs You're White Girl Drunk

If you ever find yourself doing any combination of the following, you’re probably *painfully* white girl drunk. Assuming it’s not too late, you should probably stop long enough for a glass of water. Bottoms up, b*tches!

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Put makeup on while sitting on the toilet


Spilled on yourself while trying to take a sip, weakly pretending it didn’t happen in hopes that no one noticed

Only to catastrophically trip and do the same thing

Stepped up your sex appeal mid-evening, only to later discover you actually were channeling the Penguin

Left a perfectly detailed makeup print on your pillow

Slurred to the point that you avoided talking, attempting silent, Jedi-like communication instead

Used your fingers to tally up the drinks you’ve consumed, only to lose count… several times

Not made it to the bathroom quite soon enough

When it dawns on you that this might happen again, you either tie a coat around your waist or form a make-shift diaper/pad out of whatever is handy in the bathroom

Gotten so obviously hammered that even you realized it was time to take a moment, only to bounce back stronger than ever a few minutes later


I am Super Woman!

Gone on a rant that referenced super heroes, gods of Greek mythology or historical figures that you’re normally not familiar with

Despite trying to be quiet, talking about someone at above average volume- while staring right at them- and were genuinely surprised when they notice you

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