Honestly, Rory Gilmore Sucks

Ugh.

Dear Rory Gilmore: I know you are not a real person but for my own sanity I need to write you this letter that you will never get because, again, you are a figment of Amy Sherman-Palladino's imagination.

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You see, last weekend I watched a show called Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life and I was reminded of all the ways that you kind of suck.

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I know, I know, I shouldn't throw those words around lightly, but girl, I have receipts.

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Photo of me getting my evidence together.

First of all, you treat the men in your life terribly. Think about Paul — poor, poor Paul.

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He might have been boring but he doesn't deserve such a shitty treatment by you. You've been dating him for TWO YEARS. There's no way you keep on "forgetting" to break up with someone after TWO YEARS.

And let's talk about the fact that while you were dating Paul, you were fucking Logan WHO IS ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED.

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Remember when you were sleeping with a married Dean, Rory? Remember how shitty you felt? At least you were somewhat young enough to blame it on immaturity (even though it was v v awful of both of you) but at 32, you're actively flying to another continent and fucking an engaged person so, UGH.

Plus Logan, REALLY? Sure he has money and the abs of a greek god but he does not have enough positive qualities to outweigh the cons.

Let's pivot to work here, Rory, 'cause this might be hard to hear, but you suck at your job.

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You know why your big meeting with Condé Nast kept on getting pushed? Because they're a huge conglomerate and not every editor can meet with someone who had a couple of good freelance articles.

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Oh, and when you finally got that meeting and picked up a project, only to fall asleep while interviewing someone and then sleep with another source?

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Why were you mostly upset with yourself about the fact he was in a Wookiee costume? You should have been upset with yourself for not being able to focus on your damn job for half a second.

Then you were like, "Lemme stoop down to Sandee Says' level," and you were shocked they didn't hire you even though you brought no ideas, enthusiasm, or any kind of emotion other than "You're lucky I'm gracing you with my presence?"

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Rory, you are not entitled to any kind of article or job. You have to put in effort and pitch yourself. It sucks that it seemed like you were definitely getting the job but the way you handled everything was cringeworthy.

Let's also talk about how you're kind of a bitch to your mom.

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Sure, Lorelai is also pretty self-centered (and totally enables your behavior but that's for another day), yet she's supported the fact that you've been cavorting across the goddamn globe for who knows how long but the second she doesn't like your goddamn book idea she's the devil? And she didn't even say, "Don't write the book!" She just wanted you to tell your side and not include all of the details of her painful past for the world to see. Sorry she doesn't want to relive the years she raised you in a fucking shed for the first few years of your life. The fact that she eventually agreed is a privilege, not a right of yours.

Also, you run into Dean and tell him you'll only talk about how great and wonderful and full of cornstarch your relationship was? K.

Finally, Rory, you are a complainer. I understand this is ironic rn because I am complaining about how much you complain but COME ON.

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It would be one thing if you took any sort of accountability for shit but you're always like, "My love life is a wreck and I can't get a job!" You did this to yourself. YOU HAVE PUT YOURSELF IN THIS SITUATION. This is why people hate millennials.

You grew up loved by your family, went to the best schools, had awesome friends, and while life can suck sometimes, not being able to find your red dress is not a real problem.

PS: Of course you woke your mother up while tap-dancing you were fucking TAP-DANCING IN THE KITCHEN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT GET OUT OF YOUR OWN HEAD.

Rory, I'm sorry. I hope I wasn't too brutal. But I also hope you get significantly less terrible the next time we meet.

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To think, this doesn't even include the seven years of BS you pulled in the original Gilmore Girls.

Oh, and, Alexis Bledel, this has nothing to do with you — you are perfect and ilu.