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    18 Tweets That Perfectly Encapsulate What Your Forties Are Like

    Vacuums become a lot more exciting.

    1. Your forties are a time where you become a lot more sensible.

    This kid working at Footlocker doesn’t seem to understand that I’m in my forties and need a pair of white tennis shoes that’ll last me the next 25 years.

    2. Your social life starts to change a bit...

    Your 20s are for partying with people, your 30s are for actually getting to know them and your 40s are for trying to avoid them altogether

    3. ...and so does your beauty routine.

    In your 20s, you wear no makeup, in your 30s you wear some, in your 40s you paint on your face. What happens in 50s? Spackle?

    4. Ditto on your fashion choices.

    I’ve now entered the floral tunic portion of my forties. Your thoughts and prayers would be appreciated during this loud time.

    5. Double ditto on sexy time.

    Sex in your 20s: Constant. Sex in your 30s: Occasional. Sex in your 40s: A Unicorn.

    6. You might not have quite the same vigor you had in your twenties.

    In your 20s: Boy, am I tired. In your 30s: I can’t believe how tired I am. In your 40s: Now I understand why old people don’t care if they die.

    7. But in the end, it's really about the little things.

    Welcome to your 40s. A new cordless vacuum will excite you now.

    8. Shopping becomes a lot more about comfort.

    [shopping for clothes] in my 20s: i want to look good in my 30s: i want to be sensible in my 40s: i don’t want to feel any fabric pressing into my body anywhere

    9. Your hobbies become a lot more low stakes.

    HOBBIES in my 20s: hiking, painting in my 30s: board games, travel in my 40s: singing the wrong numbers in the lyrics to "Seasons of Love" from Rent to infuriate my daughter

    10. You might become a tad bit cynical.

    Your 20s: I will strive for goodness and peace in this troubled world. Your 40s: Every single chair is terrible.

    11. Sleeping now requires a certain amount of comfort.

    Your teens: I’ll just sleep on the floor. Your 20s: I’ll just sleep on the futon. Your 30s: I’ll just sleep on the couch. Your 40s: Is this tempurpedic? I can only sleep on tempurpedic. Preferably sleep number 37.

    12. Date nights get a little less exciting.

    Being in your 40s means date night includes standing in line at Walgreens for your annual flu shot.

    13. In fact, dating in your forties might not seem fun at all sometimes.

    The best thing about dating in your 40s: . . . . . . . . . . Not one fucking thing.

    14. Marriage can be pretty cool, though.

    Dating in your teens: Can't wait to get home so I can fart. Married in your 40s: I don't even care if I shit my pants right now.

    15. So can parenthood.

    Me in my 20s: I'm not ready to have kids yet. Me in my 40s: I wish I had my kids when I was a teenager.

    16. Drinking has more conequences.

    Hangovers in your 20s: I’d better drink a Bloody Mary. Hangovers in your 30s: I’d better sleep in. Hangovers in your 40s: I’d better make funeral arrangements.

    17. And light hurts your eyes a lot more, for some reason.

    Welcome to your 40s - you now think every car has its brights on.

    18. But don't worry, your forties are still pretty cool.

    Welcome to your 40s. You are no longer the target audience for anything cool.

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