When you're at a wedding, it's hard NOT to get caught up in all the love, fun, and activities — but there are definitely some traditions/expectations that either need a refresh, or need to GTFO.
Recently, Reddit user u/starskyandbutch asked in r/AskWomen, "What, if any, wedding tradition irks you the most?" Here are the wedding customs that women think are annoying, outdated, and overall just a bad time:
Note: Most of these responses have to do with heterosexual weddings.
1. "I'm half South Asian, so we have this 'tradition' where the bride is expected to be sad and quiet/shy during the ceremony. The elders typically look down on brides who are happy, dancing, etc. It's such BS and needs to be abolished. Also, there's an expectation to invite and cater to people that you don't even know, like friends of friends that are supposed 'family.' You're also expected to invite family members even if you don't like them."
2. "The garter toss. It needs to die like yesterday. It’s so crude. I did it at my wedding when I got married to my ex-husband, and if I have a big wedding the next time, we’re 86ing it. I felt gross when we did it."
"I found out in some wedding traditions, the groom removes the garter from the bride with his teeth in front of everyone, and that sounds intensely uncomfortable to me."
"The other half of this tradition is that whoever catches the bouquet gets the garter put on them by the catcher of that toss. My husband and I skipped it. I caught the bouquet at my brother's wedding when I was 17, and wound up having a 40-ish male put the garter on me when he caught it. Made me super uncomfortable and I did not want to subject any kids or female guests at my wedding to that."
3. "Any references to the groom being 'tied down' or the bride being the old 'ball and chain.' Like, why do we keep acting like married couples hate each other?"
4. "Bachelorette/bachelor parties in cultures where they're more or less expected to revolve around or at least include sexual and/or humiliating activities. Bonus points if the goal is to get the bride/groom piss drunk too. In my world, those events are a way to celebrate a friend and their marriage, not something that should embarrass them or have any hints of the absolute gross 'last night of freedom' idea, no matter how jokingly. It's extremely weird and uncomfortable to me and I'd never partake in it."
5. "Announcements like, 'Mr. and Mrs. John Smith.'"
6. "The bride being 'given away' by her father, like she was his possession and now she's the groom's."
7. "People being so into their wedding aesthetic and photos that they ask their guests to change their appearance. Like, asking your friend with colorful hair to dye it natural or someone with tattoos to make sure and cover them up."
8. "Smashing cake in the faces. Such a tacky thing to do."
9. "The bride's family paying for the wedding. There are two people in the relationship, so why? If you have parents paying for it, it should be a shared cost. Realistically, I think the bride and groom should pay for their own wedding. Either way, the cost shouldn't fall on a single party."
10. "Vows along the lines of, 'wives, submit yourself to your husbands.'"
11. "Ending the ceremony with, 'I now pronounce you man and wife!' Was he not a man before? Is she just a wife now? If people started saying, 'I now pronounce you woman and husband!' people might think that sounds weird, but it is exactly the same and just as odd."
12. "The newlyweds going into large amounts of debt to have the 'perfect' wedding."
13. "The separation of men and women in wedding parties. I'm from a very traditionally Catholic family, and am very close to my youngest brother. The spot of best man always goes to someone in your family that you are closest to (something my mom and dad told my older brothers, who each chose each other), but when it came down to my younger brother and I, my mom actually laughed at the idea of me being my brother's best maid."
14. "The millions of pre-wedding events. Bridal shower, bachelorette, and all that dumb, expensive stuff."
15. "I don’t know if this is a tradition or more of a general sentiment, but phrases like, 'getting it out of your system,' and 'last fling before the ring,' regarding indulging in some debauchery before the wedding ceremony are just disgusting. The idea that someone would feel 'the need' to possibly cheat on their partner is awful. There are plenty of couples who go to strip clubs together, too, and that enjoyment wouldn’t disappear after a wedding. I've heard excuses in movies like, 'Oh, at least he/she did it before the wedding' (and let’s be honest — the excuse almost always applies to the male partner)."
16. "In my country, the groom acts like he is paying for the bride. He brings money and there come a few men dressed as fake brides, and groom is like 'I don't like this one, bring me next!' And then comes the real bride, who he 'buys.'"
17. "The fact that the second you mention anything is for a wedding, the price jumps by a hundred. My daughter’s wedding planner bought round, decorated cakes from a local baker and stacked them herself with a wedding topper for a tiny fraction of the price the same bakery would have charged for the same cakes for a wedding."
18. And finally, "Inviting everyone you’ve ever met. Or, on the flip side, when people you don’t see much are upset they’re not invited. Not sure if that counts as tradition, but dang. Just invite the ones you like."
Are there any wedding traditions that you'd like to see go extinct? Tell us in the comments!
Responses have been edited for length/clarity.