Women Are Sharing The Mental Blocks That Make It Harder For Them To Enjoy Sex, And It's Frustrating, But Sadly Relatable
"I need to be able to solely focus on the sensations I'm feeling."
Sex can be pretty damn fun (when it's safe and consensual, of course), but for lots of people — women especially — there are plenty of mental blocks that can get in the way of fully enjoying it.
1. "For me, it’s the constant pressure that I NEED to orgasm during sex. If I’m constantly asked, 'Are you gonna cum yet?' it takes away the pleasure part of it, and I get stressed. The sex can’t feel like a chore either, because if I don’t feel the intimacy part of it, I lose all pleasure. I’m very into my emotions with sex, so I can’t do emotionless sex at all. Foreplay before helps build me up for a lot of pleasure during sex, and sometimes a vibrator during penetration helps a lot too."
2. "I shared a bedroom with my sister and a paper-thin wall with my mother growing up. I also broke the bathroom's lock to force my sister out of the bathroom one morning, and it took me a very long time to get the money to buy a new one and then learn how to replace it. So, I basically had no privacy when I was at the age you discover your own body. I was always super afraid of being heard or walked in on, and it's stayed with me until today. I need to be sure to have complete and total privacy to relax enough to finish."
3. "Until a few years ago, I couldn't orgasm from sex with a partner, only through masturbation. This was due to inability to trust men fully and to give myself completely, because I was sexually assaulted as a teen."
4. "For me, feelings of guilt/pressure can get in the way. Penetrative sex doesn't do it for me, but other acts, like oral, make it so that I'm the only one receiving pleasure, which makes me feel guilty. Additionally, being the sole focus can make me feel anxious and pressured to orgasm. This person is taking the time to do something especially for me, so I MUST make it worth their while."
5. "I've only been able to orgasm with my fiancé, but even then it’s hit or miss. I only can like 50% of the time. I think my past partners I wasn’t really attracted to them, or they didn’t fulfill me emotionally. But with my fiancé, sometimes the dogs are barking their heads off in the backyard, or a good episode of Supernatural is playing in the background, or I’m thinking about what I want for dinner. I get distracted easily, and it takes a lot to focus sometimes. I do best early in the mornings when I’m sleepy and not worried about other things, or right after a shower when I’m relaxed."
6. "I feel a mental block when there's something really off with the person I'm having sex with, especially if I don't feel love, affection, or passion coming from that person while we're having it. If I feel the person is doing it like it's some kind of chore, then it's very hard for me to orgasm, or I just can't."
7. "I was on an antidepressant that killed my sex drive, which my partner was initially understanding about. But then, when we did have sex, it was a massive deal to him. I began dreading the conversation that followed about how great the sex was and how we should do it more often because I’d just proved that I could do it if I tried, which made me feel pressured to have sex, which killed my sex drive even more."
"It was a vicious circle and it killed our relationship because every time we were intimate non-sexually (just as lying in bed cuddling), I felt that he was only doing it to hopefully lead to sex. It got to the point where it was causing arguments in every aspect of our relationship, and I ended things."