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Women Are Sharing The Ways Men Disrespect Them When They Don't Find Them Attractive, And It's Dehumanizing

"I was back to being invisible."

Recently, TikTok user @wutshername asked in a now-deleted TikTok, "What's the most disheartening thing men do when they don't find you attractive, so they don't treat you like a human person?"


From what we can tell, @wutshername decided to make her TikTok account private. Which, totally fair!

However, despite being deleted, the legacy of her question lives on. Women started chiming in with the ways men have blatantly disrespected them because they simply didn't find them attractive. Here are the most upsetting/dehumanizing responses:

@mollyatron said a man who didn't find her attractive put in extra effort to be rude to her when he could've just been civil:

@mollyatron / Via, @mollyatron / Via

"I went out with two guys that I was friends with, and they introduced me to their third friend. This man proceeded to talk over me any time someone talked to me. Like, the other two guys would just ask me a question, and this guy would talk over my response. After two times of trying to keep the peace, I was sick of it, so I asked him what was up. And he openly said, 'I'm not interested in you. I don't find you attractive, and I'm not trying to sleep with you, so I don't need to be nice to you.' So he was putting in more effort to be rude to me than he was to just be civil. Neither of the guys said anything, they just kind of laughed it off. That's when I realized, men don't care, and that's why [this disrespect] is so prominent. None of them are going to check each other. At all."

Whenever @majormommyissues talks to men, even if it's not in a flirty or romantic way, they make a point to tell her that they "don't like Black girls," as if that's an OK thing to say in normal conversation:

@majormommyissues / Via

"I'm a Black girl in Nebraska, and so that makes me 'conventionally unattractive.' Guys in Nebraska make it known from the start whether or not they like Black girls. I've been in normal conversations with guys — like, casual — and they'll be like, 'Just so you know, I don't like Black girls.' As if I would talk to them in the first place! Once, I was out with a friend, and she was talking to a guy she knew. I walked away because I could tell that he and his two other friends weren't really vibing, and the friends followed me around and made monkey noises the whole night."

@landon.harisss sees right through it when men try to play "Mr. Nice Guy" and notice her for 0.2 seconds while they're trying to get with her friends:

http://@landon.harrisss / Via

"One of my personal favorites is when we're standing in a group, with both guys and girls, and the guys are either super clued in on one friend or all of my friends except me. There's always that one guy that tries to play 'Mr. Nice Guy,' and he'll turn to me for like 0.2 seconds and be like, 'Oh, hey,' acting like I haven't been there for the past 20 minutes of this conversation. He'll say one thing, and I'll try talking to him, then he'll immediately shut it down and turn back to my friend."

@alternegr0 mentioned that on top of blatantly ignoring her when she's with her more "attractive" friends, men will also flirt with her as a joke:

@alternegr0 / Via

"The first thing they do is just completely ignore you and pretend you don't exist, especially if you're with your more 'conventionally attractive' friends. But then, there's also this weird thing that they do, especially if you're 'friends' with them: They'll flirt with you as a joke, especially if it's around other people, because they think that the concept of liking you is just so funny that they have to joke about it with other people in order to get laughs."

@izzygoesit only experienced chivalry and politeness from men after she lost weight:

@izzygoesit / Via

"When I started grad school, I went from 300 pounds to 228 pounds, and I'd always suspected that guys treated me differently, but then I got proof how differently they had been treating me. I went from invisible to being greeted everywhere I went. Also, basic things like manners increased 100%. I had never even noticed that men didn't hold doors open for me in public until I lost the weight. That all lasted, until I started gaining weight again. I was back to being invisible."

And finally, @biggreddb realized that "men truly only treat women like human beings when they find them attractive" when she lived with two sorority sisters:

@biggreddb / Via, Via

"My favorite was when [my roommates and I] would go out to bars together. They were very skinny, beautiful sorority girls, so men would approach them and offer to buy 'everyone' shots. But since I was the 'ugly' fat friend that was just there for comedic support, that didn't include me. And it was so funny to me when my roommates would point it out and be like, 'aren't you going to buy her a shot too?' The look of absolute disgust and annoyance that ascended upon these men's faces...they wished I was never born."

To any women out there who have had to deal with this kind of degrading BS — I'm betting there are plenty of you out there — please don't base your value on how these kinds of men have treated you, because the problem is THEM, not YOU. I can guarantee that.


And to the men out there still perpetuating this kind of BS, it's time to realize that women are human beings who deserve respect REGARDLESS of whether you find them attractive. And if you're one of the "good guys" who "doesn't do this" but still lets your other friends get away with it, start calling them out. Otherwise, you're just as bad.


Submissions have been edited for length/clarity.

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