IDK if you're privy to the r/relationships subreddit, but it's basically a place where people go to seek advice about, well, their relationships.
Recently, I saw a post that almost made my eyes detach from my skull. The gist: A man's partner wants him to pay her between $50,000–$100,000 in order for her to have their child.
The OG post has since been deleted. But, luckily, it still lives on thanks to @redditships on Twitter, which re-shares popular and divisive r/relationship threads.
I am [M34] and my wife is [F29]. She has asked me to pay her almost $50,000 to have our child, and I'm not quite sure what to do. https://t.co/1yAug8ZnkN
Now, listen: Since the original post got deleted pretty quickly, there's no way to fully corroborate that this is actually a thing. It could very well be a fake. BUT, I still can't stop thinking about it and HAVE to know your thoughts/what you'd do in this situation, because there's A LOT to unpack here. So please, read on.
Here's how the alleged story begins, according to u/husbandmaybefather: He and his "wife" have been together for about six years. Though they aren't legally married, they consider themselves to be "spiritually married" and feel that their relationship is basically a "common law" marriage. They're both high earners who make around $175,000 after taxes, and pretty much split all of their expenses 50/50, despite keeping their finances completely separate.
Since the pandemic put a damper on a number of their travel plans for the last two years, they've decided now would be a good time to start having kids. "Without too serious of a discussion about it," they stopped using birth control in order to just "let things happen as they will."
Soon after that, u/husbandmaybefather's partner comes to him with some terms: Her job provides maternity leave for up to a year, but only pays 50% of her salary for the first six months. After that it's completely unpaid. Because of that, she'd lose about $50,000 in annual income. So, she thinks that he should compensate her for the $50,000, plus split any unexpected costs related to pregnancy and childbirth. Since she's doing this so they can start a family, she feels it's not truly a 50/50 split if she has to take a financial hit, but he doesn't at all.
Here's the thing. Although it might seem like the OP's partner is asking for a lot, she's not wrong about there being a significant financial loss for people who give birth. According to 2018 data gathered by the National Women's Law Center, mothers in the US lose around $16,000 annually thanks to the "motherhood wage gap." That doesn't even account for money that may be lost during unpaid or partially paid leave. PLUS, there's also the physical and emotional labor involved in carrying, birthing, and caring for a new baby that people who give birth are paid $0.00 for.
In the end, u/husbandmaybefather says that although he sees the logic in what his partner is asking, he thinks that "the idea to have a payment plan to have a child is just gross," and the "transactional" nature of it all "leaves a bad taste in [his] mouth."
Needless to say, people were HEATED in the comments, and there were plenty of takes. Some called out the OP for being selfish and back-peddling on their 50/50 agreement:
"So you want her to take ALL the physical and financial risks of starting a family, but you don't want her to be compensated for any of it.
You want her to commit her physical and financial health, but you also want to be able to easily walk away in the event of a divorce.
You make well into six figures, but you are 'turned off' by the idea that she should get any financial security from you for bearing your children, which would irrevocably change her body and career trajectory... I really, really hope she dumps you."
"He likes it 50/50 when it benefits him."
Others took issue with the fact that the two aren't legally married, which in some ways makes things even more complicated:
"What is the reason you're not legally married? It sounds like a lot of these complex issues could be resolved with legal (as opposed to spiritual) marriage. Is she upset that you're not legally married? Whose idea is it not to be? Yours? Hers? Both?"
"She would still be at risk if he decided to break up while she was at the reduced income. He stated in another comment that a reason he doesn’t want to get married is so that it is easy to walk away."
And lastly, some felt that, based on the nature of their relationship, they shouldn't be having kids at all:
"I get her logic. I get his feelings. But six years and unable to commit to finances, for a child that they seem to be treating as a commodity, a self-fulfillment of their limited commitment to each other? Super confusing. Please don’t have children. Please don’t bring a child into feeling like a burden and a weight for your tit-for-tat relationship."