If you have a period, then you know that people will sometimes try to use it as a device to shame, gaslight, and manipulate you. A tale as old as time!!!
Such is the case with Reddit user u/Johnnnyyy111 (or OP; for Original Poster), who recently asked in the Am I the Asshole (AITA)* subreddit if she was wrong to physically show her husband underwear after he repeatedly accused her of being on her period. Let's get into it, shall we?
*If you aren't aware, r/AmITheAsshole is a place where people can ask others on the internet to weigh on if they are, indeed, the one being the A-hole in certain situations.
Here are the full details, according to OP:
"My husband has a habit of blaming my behavior/reaction on my period. For example, when we argue, he'll say, 'I won't argue anymore since you tend to act crazy when you're on your period,' or even say, 'I know you didn't mean to do/say that but couldn't help it since it's that time of month for you.' It's so irritating, and it prevents me from being allowed to express myself."
"It happened again last night at the dinner table. We had an argument about him forgetting to fill my car with gas after he used it, and when I expressed my frustration, he said, 'We will not talk about this now since you appear to be on your period.' I said that I was not on my period, and that this was just me feeling frustrated with him. He insisted he wouldn't talk about this then and insisted he wouldn't hear what I had to say since 'I was on my period and I was being irrational during the argument.'"
"I snapped and had enough. So, I got up, stood in front of him while he was still eating, pulled down my pants, and showed him my underwear."
"He made a grossed out face and shouted, 'That's nasty, I'm eating my damn dinner, damnit.' We had a full-blown argument, and he said I acted horribly and ruined his appetite by pulling that nasty move. He told me to grow up and stop being spiteful over nothing."
"He keeps saying I grossed him out during dinner and made him go to bed hungry. AITA? Did I overreact?"
As you might imagine, people had plenty to say in the comment section of the thread. And the main theme was that no, OP wasn't being an A-hole. Rather, it's her husband who's a raging A-hole who's being incredibly manipulative:
"Your husband is a misogynist. He’s weaponizing a sexist trope to belittle your emotions and avoid treating you like a person — and it sounds like you’re at a breaking point. At best, he has no respect for you, and at worst, I’d honestly say his behavior is crossing into emotional abuse territory."
"He's trying to get OP to question whether her very legitimate complaints about him are fair/reasonable by calling her 'irrational' or 'crazy' and suggesting that she's not in control of her own feelings and actions because she menstruates. It's awful. It's also very dumb, because she can very clearly disprove what he's saying by demonstrating that she is not, in fact, on her period."
Others couldn't help but point out the unforgivable body shaming of it all:
"Not only is he weaponizing a sexist trope, he said his wife's body disgusted him. THAT'S disgusting. And I agree — the dismissing, gaslighting, and belittling is absolutely emotional abuse. Please leave this A-hole, OP. You deserve so much better."
"Also, he claims to be nauseated by the sight of her clean, naked genitals. If that were my relationship, it would be the last time he was ever subjected to the sight of my body, naked or clothed. He finds the sight of his wife's body disgusting? Either he's gaslighting about that, too, or else he's got issues with her body. Either way, relationship ender."
And some weren't even afraid to throw out the "D" word:
"I rarely go for the ‘divorce him now’ angle on these, but this guy. Seriously. ‘I know I’m in the wrong, but to avoid taking any responsibility, I’ll make up a reason that’s your fault as to why I can’t possibly accept any blame right now.’ That’s the mentality of a 6-year-old. He’ll never change either."
"I'm sorry you married a clown like that; you should seriously think of a divorce."
"I try not to fall into the 'get a divorce' cliché of Reddit, but sometimes, you have to throw the whole man away."