Hello and welcome to yet another deep dive into a viral Am I the Asshole Reddit thread, where people discuss whether someone is, indeed, the A-hole in a specific situation.
Today's edition has to do with travel, particularly traveling internationally with your partner. Reddit user u/TAourtrip (or OP; for Original Poster) wants to know if she's wrong for getting on a plane and leaving without her boyfriend because he forgot to bring his passport to the airport. Let's get into it!
Here are the full details, according to OP:
"I've been with my boyfriend (I'll call him 'Paul') for three years and living together for six months. Paul has a serious problem with forgetting important documents, and after the fourth time he did this, I became responsible for carrying our documents in my purse."
"According to him, all documents have a digital version, and that's enough. Not all are digital (like, say, a passport), and not all places accept the digital form, but he's stubborn and maintains this position. I don't mind being responsible for the documents, and most of the time, I have them in my purse."
"That is until one day, two months ago, when he called me asking about his identity because he needed it for something and they didn't accept the digital version. I was at work and informed him that I had it with me. He gave me a huge scolding, saying that those documents should be at home, and told me to stop 'holding' his documents. I handed his documents over to him and said that I would no longer be responsible for this, or warn him about it, because I was doing a favor for someone I love, who is a capable adult (he's 27)."
Which brings us to the situation at hand: "We decided to travel with our friends to another country on New Year's, and a passport is needed, since it's on another continent. We went to our country's capital city, where we'd stay at our friend's house until our flight time, since the city we live in is two hours from the airport. We decided to go to the airport four hours before our flight (to visit the VIP room), and I went to check all my documents first. Paul was next to me, and when he saw only one passport, he asked about his, and I just said, 'You have it.'"
"He panicked, saying he thought I had taken his passport as usual, and left it at home. He decided to run home and come back. He asked me to go with him, but I didn't want to spend four hours in the car. He went to get his passport (but complained that this was something to remember him by), and I went with my friends to the airport."
"In short, he didn't arrive on time, and I decided I wouldn't miss my trip because of him. I turned off my cellphone and made the 12-hour trip."
"When I arrived, there were several messages from him saying he couldn't believe that I had gone on a trip without him, and that I had done it as a form of revenge because of his scolding. The flights are all booked up or too expensive, so he probably won't come. He's still accusing me of leaving him behind after purposely not remember something I know he struggles with. My friends are on my side, but I feel doubtful."
OP also mentioned this minor but major detail at the end of the story: "I always make a list of what to take for our trips. His passport was on the list, and he still forgot it."
As per usual, there was plenty of discussion in the comments on the thread. Overwhelmingly, people thought OP totally did the right thing getting on the plane, and Paul's the one at fault here.
"He wanted his documents back. You gave him his documents back. He forgot his documents."
"And OP even made him a LIST with the passport on it!"
"And OP very clearly communicated that she was no longer taking responsibility for them. Besides, even if my partner was holding my documents, I'd still ask to make sure."
Others suggested that OP rethink her relationship with Paul if this is the dynamic.
"He’s an adult and is solely responsible for himself. The fact that he expected you to just miss the trip due to his incompetence is ludicrous. Reconsider this relationship, OP. This won’t change."
What good would be served if OP denied herself the trip because bf blew the simple task of bringing his passport after he was reminded of it? Don't let him guilt you, don't think anything more about this during the rest of the trip, don't respond to his texts or calls, and enjoy yourself immensely. When you get back, he will still want to guilt you, and you'll have to make a decision then about staying with this guy."
Reddit user u/Dashcamkitty said it pretty plainly:
"Time for Paul to realize that the OP is his girlfriend, not his mummy."
What do you think of the situation? Was it wrong of OP to get on the plane without Paul, or should Paul suck it up because it was on him to remember his passport in the first place? Tell us in the comments!
Note: Thread and responses have been edited for length/clarity.