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I'm Still Giggling And Kicking My Feet At The 24 Funniest Tweets By Women This Week

"blocking him isn’t enough i need to watch his hairline recede" —@casbby888

Alright chickens, it's time to take a break from obsessing about the Met Gala and enjoy some of the funniest tweets by women this week, as a treat.

If I were going to the Met Gala, I would do one of those costumes where it looks like someone’s carrying you.

— Mary (@AnniemuMary) May 7, 2024
Twitter: @AnniemuMary

Make sure you follow these funny ladies on Twitter (or X, if that's what you like to call it)!!!

1.

babe are you okay? you haven't said that's that me espresso once today..

— mariana (@pastapilled) May 8, 2024
Twitter: @pastapilled

2.

I’ve spent too much time in New Jersey pic.twitter.com/5h72AWfN2v

— Frances Patano (@FrancesPatano) May 7, 2024
Twitter: @FrancesPatano

3.

I had to update my driver’s license photo at the DMV and I complained that I looked terrible in it and the guy said, “Lady, that’s literally exactly what you look like” and now my day is ruined.

— Mommy Owl (@Mommy__Owl) May 8, 2024
Twitter: @Mommy__Owl

4.

6-year-old said she was going to draw a picture and make me beautiful, then said “This is the best we can do.” So upsetting pic.twitter.com/NCrFvmEHU4

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) May 4, 2024
Twitter: @missmulrooney

5.

One time I told a coworker I was going through a breakup and she said “I’m not :)”

— toe lover with a steel chair! (@carobunga) May 5, 2024
Twitter: @carobunga

6.

Bye, see you all on Monday, I tell my 47 work tabs

— meghan (@deloisivete) May 3, 2024
Twitter: @deloisivete

7.

Well then how do you know that’s her? Take this down https://t.co/6Jcd0hoWWU

— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) May 8, 2024
Twitter: @BrotiGupta / Dia Dipasupil/Getty Images / Photo by Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images

8.

I have 100 cookbooks written by real chefs and cooks but instead every night I Google “food weeknight dinner fast” and make a recipe from a blog I will never visit again called like Parsnips and Cowlicks or Girl With a Spatula or Hearts of Pam

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) May 4, 2024
Twitter: @clhubes

9.

why am i good at everything that doesn’t make me money ?

— smokeyhouse (@surajdukhii) May 4, 2024
Twitter: @surajdukhii

10.

blocking him isn’t enough i need to watch his hairline recede

— ©🎀 (@casbby888) May 4, 2024
Twitter: @casbby888

11.

Me: hi
WebMD: cancer

— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) May 3, 2024
Twitter: @Eden_Eats

12.

sorry i can’t hang out with you today i hung out with people last week and i’m still recovering

— clare (@sadderlizards) May 4, 2024
Twitter: @sadderlizards

13.

yes chef https://t.co/wIzcDQnsQG

— Mel Stone (@melstonemusic) May 4, 2024
Twitter: @melstonemusic

14.

There's nothing more embarrassing in life than getting up and bowling in front of people.

— Betty Botticelli (@Faungirl123) May 3, 2024
Twitter: @Faungirl123

15.

actually few things more embarrassing than when you’ve had like One drink and then you trip or spill something and everyone’s like damnnn she must be fucked up! no, you degenerates. I am just clumsy! may a beautiful woman not simply be clumsy these days???

— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) May 4, 2024
Twitter: @holy_schnitt

16.

apparently beluga whales have learned to mimic human speech.....i didn't know they had our number like that pic.twitter.com/zoGMja9NFU

— olivia m. swarthout (@olivia__ms) May 8, 2024
Twitter: @olivia__ms / CBS News

17.

Harry Styles is 30 years old with SIX movies based on fan fictions about him. his therapy sessions gotta be INTENSE. I know he’s tired

— ta’mia (@cinemiaelordi) May 5, 2024
Twitter: @cinemiaelordi

18.

why do supermarkets have cheese in so many places, here’s the fancy cheese, here’s the ok cheese, here’s the auxiliary cheese display like please..no more riddles

— laura vincent (@HungryandFrozen) May 4, 2024
Twitter: @HungryandFrozen

19.

ANNOUNCEMENT: after much reflection, I’ve decided that my last five years of aging doesn’t count, as they took place under strange and unusual circumstances. please respect my decision and feel free to join me

— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) May 8, 2024
Twitter: @ElyKreimendahl

20.

My niece cooked a pizza…. on a plastic cutting board….. in my oven.

Get TF out my house 😭 pic.twitter.com/BMWY68IhpD

— wiz fajita (@trillary_banks_) May 8, 2024
Twitter: @trillary_banks_

21.

I’ve never used the hand lotion on someone’s bathroom counter and thought “wow, I’m so glad I could moisturize my hands after washing them.” I’m always like “awww Fuck I thought that was soap…”

— eliza (@elizamclamb) May 7, 2024
Twitter: @elizamclamb