22 First Date Horror Stories That Are Just...REALLY Awkward
"The dude pissed everywhere..."
1. This trip of a first date.
"I once went out with a bartender I knew from a restaurant I frequented. We ended up going to his friends apartment to watch him work (he was a painter) and the two of them proceeded to take a bunch of LSD and trip while I just hung out. I eventually called my roommate to come save me and the guy freaked out and chased us down as we drove away. I stopped going to his restaurant after that."
2. This New Year's blunder.
"He took me to a house party for New Years and proceeded to get so drunk that he was passing out and vomiting in his sleep. I literally had to roll him over MULTIPLE TIMES just so he wouldn't drown in his own vomit. I had no way home and was stuck doing this all night for him, and more than a few times he told me he loved me."
3. This man who is, quite frankly, the worst.
"He went on about how much I have to learn (he was 30, I’m 23) and then said 'you’d look like such a f***king model if you just lost weight.' He then went on about how he can help me lose the weight and how we can go hiking, etc. I really hope karma saw this one through."
4. This...interesting way of communicating.
"I went to a movie I'd wanted to see with a guy I matched with on a dating app. When I greeted him in front of the theater, he didn’t say 'hi' back. He meowed. Like a cat. He wouldn’t make eye contact either. I tried to make conversation as we walked to the right screen, but he just kept meowing and pointedly looking away from me. When we got inside, we found seats, and he continued to meow. After the movie, I the meowing resumed. Still no eye contact either. Maybe he was trying to be quirky and endearing? But who does that?? Who meows through a first date???"
5. This Parent Trap situation.
"Had a Tinder date with a guy that I was really excited about. We planned on going sledding. I showed up and asked where he was. After looking for a few minutes a totally different guy came up and said, "Hi, I'm his roommate. He couldn't make it and sent me instead." I was absolutely GOBSMACKED. And the guy who didn't show up couldn't fathom why I was upset when I texted him, and just kept saying his roommate was a great guy. Just cancel the date you stupid dickhead."
6. This BK Bummer.
"When I was in college, a guy asked to meet up to get milkshakes. Cool. He gave me the address of where to meet him. I get there...and it's a Burger King. I stuck it out until he showed me a picture of his 'apartment', where you could see his reflection in the window...and he was naked. The guy subtly showed me his dick on the first date at Burger King. The worst part was he smirked and winked and said, 'you like?' There was no second date."
7. This shitty situation.
"We went to sushi and he just had to go back to his place before drinks. Turned out we had to go back to his place because he was afraid of public restrooms. I sat alone in his living room listening to him straining while trying to poop. He then realized he was out of toilet paper and texted me to grab him a roll from upstairs. Let's not even get into the smell. Literally the shittiest date ever."
8. This...devoted father.
"I met a guy online who took me to see one of the Saw movies, which I agreed to but wasn't thrilled with. Then we talked in the car for awhile, where he told me about his 6 kids with 5 different women!"
9. This errand of a date.
"I met a guy at a dance and he called a few days later and asked me on a date. He came to pick me up and straight up just took me to Costco. We walked around for like an hour and the only thing he picked up to buy was a giant thing of spinach. Was it a flex? I don't know. All I remember is that he said he'd buy me some frozen yogurt on our way out but he forgot and just took me home. He called the next day and said I was too young and immature for him."
10. This one-way conversation.
"Went to a sandwich shop with this guy and he seemed nice enough. But then he started to talk about himself masturbating in the third person. Since he was my ride home I waited until the date was done to promptly block him."
11. This plot twist.
"I matched with a guy on a dating app. He was cute and well-traveled, so I thought we'd get along. He told me he was such a bad kid growing up that his mother had to send him to a boarding school in the middle of the desert. But apparently this was a good experience and got him on track, because he went on to go to college. Where he became a heroin dealer. I can't understand how he was so confused as to why I didn't want to go on a second date, but my standard for a good date after that became 'not a heroin dealer'."
12. This "genius."
"Within 15 minutes of the first date he said he was 6 points away from being a genius and that I’d sit on his face...I never spoke to him again."
13. This...cool person.
"I had had my eye on this guy for a while. After a few weeks of flirting he finally asked me to go to a gig with him on a date. We went to the gig and were having a good time, when suddenly HIS PARENTS SHOW UP! Turned out he had invited them because he wanted me to meet them....ON OUR FIRST DATE!
Afterwards he called me continuously and I asked him to back off but he didn't, so I called it off completely. This ended with him begging me to change my mind by screaming 'I'M A COOL PERSON!'"
14. This horrendous human being.
"The guy I was one the date with said, out of nowhere, 'let me guess...110?' I said, '110 what?' Turns out he was trying to guess my weight. Then he looked at the girl behind me and goes, 'how much do you think she weighs?' I should have just left then and there, but I ended up blocking his number."
15. This situation that ESCALATED VERY QUICKLY.
"He picked me up in a Camaro (that he was very proud of). On the way, someone cut us off in traffic. He pulled out a gun from the glovebox, and laid it on the console and said that he might need it. He proceeded to drive like a maniac to cut that person off. Once he had, he calmly asked me if I wanted to go to Applebee’s or Fazoli’s because he had a gift card to either."
16. This snazzy dresser.
"My so-called 'friend' set me up with a guy that picked me up wearing a crinkled, brown corduroy suit. I had never seen anything like it. I was not going to let that stop what could potentially be the love of my life, but when he took me to his house without so much as a heads up and introduced me to his mother as his 'girlfriend,' I nope-ed out of there as fast as I could."
17. This shitty start that had a happy ending.
"A seagull's ass exploded all over me as we sat staring at the ocean romantically. The seagull had been eating something that did not agree with him.
For his part, my date cleaned me off without laughing too much. And seven years later he married me."
18. This super soaker.
"This dude came over to my place and brought a bottle of apple liquor because he knew I love apples. During the date he drank the entire bottle while I drank about half a glass. He was completely shit faced and I told him to walk home. He asked to use the bathroom before he left. That evening I go to the bathroom...and the dude pissed everywhere. My bathmat was soaked, as were my towels. I blocked him on everything."
19. This unexpected reaction.
"This guy I met at a bar took me to a Chinese place for dinner. We ordered a bunch of different things and shared it all. My face started to get really red and I broke out in hives. By the time we got to the car, I was struggling to breathe and I asked him to take me home. Well, I went into full blown anaphylactic shock and stopped breathing in the car. Apparently I was allergic to almonds and didn't know it, and we ordered almond chicken. He had enough sense to take me to the ER. I woke up a few hours later to him sitting in the corner of the room looking horrified and apologizing profusely because during all the commotion they ripped off my shirt and bra and he saw my boobs. Once my roommates got there he bolted never to be heard from again."
20. This celebrity encounter.
"I met up with a guy for a date in LA. It went horribly in general but on the way back to our cars, we saw the actor Ben Linus from the TV show LOST. My date LOST HIS MIND, chased after him, and would not take a hint when the actor was clearly so uncomfortable. I had to drag him away and give Ben an apologetic cringe as I did. Needless to say, there was no second date."
21. This mother lover.
"I had a first date with a man who took me back to his apartment and made me look at photo albums of his mother. I kept on trying to get away and finally I just said, 'I need to go home right now,' to which he replied, 'I guess I can’t keep you here against your will.' Yikes."
22. And this beach trip gone bad.
"We went to the beach with a few friends. I drank a little too much and was giving him a blow job while driving, and he crashed into a tree. Later that night I threw up all over him. My friends don’t let me live this down ever."