Alrighty it's time to LISTEN UP because I...*makes megaphone with hands*...HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY.
And that thing is: eggs are fucking disgusting.
You heard me. Eggs are the absolute worst and I am sick and tired of everyone trying to convince me that they're good. So I am here to once and for all lay out all the reasons why eggs do not deserve the admiration they (for some reason) constantly receive.
Now listen here, I know damn well that eggs are often an ingredient in many delicious foods, like cookies and cake. But that's not what this is about. This is about eggs by themselves, which are an offense to tastebuds at literally every turn.
First of all, the texture of scrambled eggs is an absolute fucking nightmare.
Egg whites aren't much better.
Eggs Benedict is literally egg covered in egg sauce. Why???
And sunny-side-up eggs are like eating a gusher filled with horrendous goo that never stops gushing.
I have two words for you: DEVILED EGGS.
Also, boiled eggs are a slimy, rubbery disgrace.
And I can already hear all you egg apologists coming out of the woodwork with, "ok, but wHaT aBoUt oMeLeTs???"
Well guess what? Omelets rely solely on all the other shit that's in them to actually make them edible/appealing. Without all the fixins they're just a pile of eggs. Which we've established are awful.
And as if that's not enough, you fiends keep insisting on putting eggs on EVERYTHING. It's one thing for me to see eggs on toast...
AND PIZZA?!?!?! ABSOLUTELY NOT.
So there you have it. Eggs are disgusting and the absolute worst. No further questions. Case. CLOSED.
And if after all that you still don't agree with me, that's fine...