When it comes to relationships, money can be a preeeeettty sticky subject.
Case in point: This thread from Reddit's Am I The Asshole, which is a place where people can ask us, the general public, if they're the one being an A-hole in certain situations. In this scenario, u/sofny-98 (or OP; for Original Poster) wants to know if he's wrong for expecting his girlfriend "to pay her fair share of the rent." Let's dive in.
Here are the details, according to OP:
"My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year, and we want to move in together. We want a two bedroom, one bath apartment or townhouse near my work. I’m a second year pathology resident, and my residency is five years long. She works from home and wants an office. She also makes $120K per year and I only make $68K. Our rent is $1,800 per month plus utilities, and she wants to go half on both rent and utilities, so we would both pay roughly $1,000 a month."
However, OP doesn't agree with this logic, and thinks "because she is using one of the rooms as her office, I feel like she should pay more, so I should pay $700 and she should pay $1300."
Meanwhile, his girlfriend has her own reasoning for splitting things 50/50. "She thinks that even if she is using an extra room, living near the hospital is very expensive, so I should pay half because we could get a cheaper place if I didn’t live near work. She thinks we are paying more to live near my work, so I don’t have to pay for gas. Therefore I should pay half the rent."
OP finds this "selfish" because his girlfriend currently makes more money than he does, and once he's finished with his medical residency, he can "easily make $350K a year or more."
WELL, OP's girlfriend doesn't agree with that either. "According to her, it’s not fair for her to wait three years to 'potentially get paid back' because we could break up, and she would have 'subsidized' me. To me, if she isn’t willing to pay a bit more to put some skin in the game, she’s being a gold digger, and waiting for me to make bank without giving anything in the first place."
"We argued about this a few times and I just want to know if I’m crazy in my thinking or she’s being selfish."
See what I mean? REAL STICKY.
As always, people flooded the comments with their thoughts on the matter, and the main consensus is that OP's wrong and they should split rent down the middle, especially since they're not married.
"You're not married. You should be splitting rent 50/50. Also, in this situation, you're the gold digger."
"Splitting rent based on income is only for when you’re married. You both have a requirement that adds to the cost of the rent (location and a second bedroom), so you should split 50/50."
And they REALLY took issue with his "gold digger" comment:
"I was on his side up until then because A.) a lot of couples pay proportionally, and B.) she can write off a home office potentially, but once he started dropping 'skin in the game' and 'gold digger,' it started to feel like a lot of projection."
"She makes $120K a year, no way she’s a gold digger. She is the gold. Dude is gonna be single real fast."
"Calling her a gold digger while also wanting her to pay more. She's asking you to pay half, while she pays half. The only one asking someone to pay more than half is you. Who's the gold digger?"
Some pointed out that OP's girlfriend is making a sacrifice living closer to his work, and that should leave some room for compromise:
"She’s paying more to live in an area he wants because it’s convenient for him, and she’s the selfish one?! Buddy, your entitlement is next level. It’s not that she ‘thinks’ she would be subsidizing you, SHE WOULD BE SUBSIDIZING YOU."
"Do you know how many women have supported men through med school to be left after the man starts making money? I don't blame her at all. Not to mention she's right. She's now having to pay more in rent because you wanted to live closer to your work. Sounds like she was fine with living somewhere cheaper. She wanted an office. Seems pretty fair and even to me! Pay half the rent and be glad she's helping you with your high-cost want."
And finally, someone even shared their own experience with a VERY similar situation:
"I was this girlfriend at one time. He was finishing med school while I had finished my master's and was working and making pretty decent money. I agreed and paid wayyyy more of our bills so he could just pay down his student loans (like, 80%, and we lived in a high-cost-of-living area in SoCal). Shocker, he left me after four years and I had spent exponentially more money for us to have a comfortable life. Fuck all of it. I was young and dumb. I really hope his girlfriend stands her ground on this."
What do you think? Is OP's girlfriend right to expect them to split costs 50/50 because they're spending more money to be close to his work? Or is OP right in thinking his girlfriend should pay more rent because she makes more money? Tell us in the comments!
