The 13 Types Of People You Need To Avoid At All Costs During Diwali

May a thousand curses befall the boss who gives you mithai instead of a bonus.

1. The serial gambler.

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This person comes to the party with the sole purpose of hustling you in a game of teen patti. Stay away. Diwali is the best time for discounts.

2. The khadoos boss.

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I work my ass off all year round for a glimmer of hope, and all you say is, "You have got to try out this kaju barfi?" You're a regular Hari Sadu, aren't you?

3. The one who's just there for #Diwali.

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These people are more concerned about Instagram likes than spending time with friends and family on Diwali. #Avoid.

4. The person who makes a face at your paltry baksheesh.

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You've literally given baksheesh to everyone from your house help to the newspaper guy to your milkman's third cousin's nephew. You don't need this sass.

5. The people who give you blessings instead of cash when you touch their feet.

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I run the risk of chronic lumbago every damn year to pay respects to you, and you give me good wishes? You're getting a high five next year, tops.

6. The cracker-happy jerkface.

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This person thinks it's totally appropriate to burst as many goddamn firecrackers as they want, scaring the pets and tearing apart your eardrums. Please say your goodbyes.

7. The early morning cracker-happy jerkface.

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As if ruining your Diwali wasn't enough, these people decide to burst the leftover crackers the next morning. Leave an anonymous note at their doorstep suggesting they move.

8. The gigantic 10,000 firecracker ladi jerkface.

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You get the idea.

9. The scientists.

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These mavericks aren't satisfied with the usual Diwali fireworks, and want to experiment by throwing sutli bombs up in the air and all that other daredevil nonsense. Hazardous to birds and your peace of mind.

10. The house which basically looks like the sun.

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These people always deem it fit to adorn their entire house with blinding lights every night, all night. If only this were the festival of blinding light. And triggering seizures.

11. The druncles.

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These are the people who think the only way to drink a quarter is bottoms up, and then consider it completely normal to make inappropriate comments at everyone they can find.

12. The Bappi Lahiri.

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This person has made the most of the throwaway prices of gold on Dhanteras, but the worst part is that they need EVERYONE to know about it. Keep your shade(s) ready.

13. The "I hate Diwali so much" guy.

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You hate firecrackers, I'm with you on that. Quit hatin' on the most festive time of the year, though. Have some mithai and think about what you've just said.

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