1. You’ve become accustomed to repeating yourself at least three times per conversation.
2. Perfect strangers subject to their enthusiastic (read: awkwardly bad) renditions of your accent, whether you like it or not.
3. And they invariably think they’re the first person to have ever done this.
4. Because you’re not an asshole, you don’t have the heart to tell them their accent sounded more like a half-British pug dog on acid.
5. The age-old request to “say something in Australian!” will never cease to stump you.
6. When you do go, the person will pretty much always tell you it’s “the most hilarious thing ever.”
7. Or, worse still, that it's "SO cute!”
8. Wait staff have conniptions when you order “wa-dah” instead of “water.”
9. People think it’s totally okay to shriek “throw a shrimp on the barbie!” at you for no apparent reason.
10. Then you feel culturally obligated to explain that “shrimp” are actually called “prawns” in Australia.
11. And that you mostly just barbecue fucking sausages anyway.
12. Actually, people think it’s perfectly okay to shriek all kinds of things at you because you have an accent.
13. Like, “CONVICT!”
14. Followed by, “A DINGO ATE MY BABY!”
15. Of course this is inherently creepy, but you don’t have the heart to tell them that.
16. So your default reaction is to let them believe they nailed it.
17. Also, there ARE more shocking issues in the world than the fact that you say "BAHS-il" and they say "BAY-sil," you know.
18. You've developed a special ability to lose your accent for important phone calls with your cable company.
19. People tend to think you’re a human parrot with an open request line.
20. Because of this, you've recited the words “g'day mate” and “crikey” so many times it hurts.
21. People love to ask you, with great sensitivity, about the non-existent tension between Australians and New Zealanders.
22. You're forever thanking people for their heartfelt sympathies, to you personally, over Steve Irwin's death.
23. You’ve lost count of the number of times you’ve explained that nobody truly drinks Fosters beer on purpose.
24. But at this point, you are so beyond irritated that anything will do… so you’ll take a six-pack, please.
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