1.
Wine doesn't have many vitamins. That's why you have to drink a lot of it.
2.
I heard about something called a "sangria margarita" and my first thought was, I don't know if I deserve that much joy.
3.
Getting drunk is like having a 3rd base coach that waves you on no matter what
4.
If by free spirits you mean an open bar, then yes I love free spirits.
5.
oh, my blush? it's called "i've had five glasses of wine"
6.
Nobody works harder than a drunk person trying to carefully whisper a secret.
7.
Red Bull and Vodka. Because you want to be wide awake for this mistake.
8.
How to enjoy wine; 1. Open the bottle and let it breathe. 2. If it doesn't seem to be breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
9.
Those tiny liquor bottles were invented for airplanes and chaperoning field trips.
10.
I will take your secret to the grave. Unless I'm drunk and revealing it will make me popular.
11.
I don't need fun to have alcohol.
12.
13.
A cleanse for me is switching to white wine.
14.
My favorite of all the gardens is definitely the beer.
15.
no one is better friends than two drunk girls in a bathroom
16.
The worst part about being drunk and seeing double is when you realize it's just one slice of pizza.
17.
*checks phone from last night* how could my best friend, cabernet sauvignon, betray me like this
18.
me: *doesn’t drink soda because it’s unhealthy* me: *drinks alcohol*
19.
the first whiskey from the whiskey of the month club i signed up for is here and im ready to be drunk til june
20.
21.
Alcohol won't mend a broken heart. But that doesn't mean I won't try it again tonight.
22.
I only drink on days that end with "I hate people"
23.
24.
25.
The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won’t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5.
26.
the most romantic words a man has ever spoken to me: "excuse me, miss? what kind of alcohol would you like for dinner?"
27.
If you mix alcohol with a juice they cancel each other out, so you're basically not even drinking.