Food

27 People Who Really Have This Drinking Alcohol Thing Figured Out

"A cleanse for me is switching to white wine."

Posted on

1.

Wine doesn't have many vitamins. That's why you have to drink a lot of it.

2.

I heard about something called a "sangria margarita" and my first thought was, I don't know if I deserve that much joy.

3.

Getting drunk is like having a 3rd base coach that waves you on no matter what

4.

If by free spirits you mean an open bar, then yes I love free spirits.

5.

oh, my blush? it's called "i've had five glasses of wine"

6.

Nobody works harder than a drunk person trying to carefully whisper a secret.

7.

Red Bull and Vodka. Because you want to be wide awake for this mistake.

8.

How to enjoy wine; 1. Open the bottle and let it breathe. 2. If it doesn't seem to be breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.

9.

Those tiny liquor bottles were invented for airplanes and chaperoning field trips.

10.

I will take your secret to the grave. Unless I'm drunk and revealing it will make me popular.

11.

I don't need fun to have alcohol.

13.

A cleanse for me is switching to white wine.

14.

My favorite of all the gardens is definitely the beer.

15.

no one is better friends than two drunk girls in a bathroom

16.

The worst part about being drunk and seeing double is when you realize it's just one slice of pizza.

17.

*checks phone from last night* how could my best friend, cabernet sauvignon, betray me like this

18.

me: *doesn’t drink soda because it’s unhealthy* me: *drinks alcohol*

19.

the first whiskey from the whiskey of the month club i signed up for is here and im ready to be drunk til june

21.

Alcohol won't mend a broken heart. But that doesn't mean I won't try it again tonight.

22.

I only drink on days that end with "I hate people"

25.

The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won’t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5.

26.

the most romantic words a man has ever spoken to me: "excuse me, miss? what kind of alcohol would you like for dinner?"

27.

If you mix alcohol with a juice they cancel each other out, so you're basically not even drinking.