1.
My first workout back at the gym was great... I did 15 mins of cardio, 10 mins on the defibrillator, and then 3 days in the hospital.
2.
[at the gym] Me: what does this machine do? "Sir, that's a bench." Me: perfect.
3.
Huff, puff, pass... - Me trying to run this morning.
4.
The most grueling part of my workout is putting jeans on in the locker room when I'm still kinda wet from the shower.
5.
Ugh, who has time to work out? -I say before a 45 minute nap.
6.
Just stopped in the middle of my run to pet a golden retriever puppy, am I doing fitness right?
7.
Me: Can't. I'm exhausted from all the CrossFit this morning. Him: It's pronounced 'croissant' & how the hell did you eat the entire dozen?!
8.
I'm the best at pretending there's something wrong with the machine at the gym when I don't know how to use it.
9.
My workout playlist is one song.
10.
Sit-ups are the best exercise because they include the most lying down.
11.
Thing I Counted As Exercise Today: Going to exchange a sweater but forgetting the sweater, then eating a burrito and going home.
12.
I cried at the gym today bc the elevator was broken & I had to take the stairs. It was like they made me exercise b4 I was gonna exercise
13.
Just added 'Wandering Around the Parking Lot Looking for My Car' as another Track Exercise on my Fitbit.
14.
How to get ready for the #gym: Throw on sports bra Put on leggings & comfy top Grab shaker cup Pour wine into it Sit on couch Netflix
15.
I just ordered a set of dumbbells, so that'll be a fun new thing to trip over while I search for the remote.
16.
My favorite gym day is when I do 20 minutes of untangling my ear buds and then leave because I'm hungry.
17.
I was going to go running but no one was chasing me.
18.
I've never done CrossFit but I have chased my shopping list through a windy parking lot before.
19.
My exercise plan: I will not stop coming to this gym until I have memorized all syndicated seasons of Bones via closed captioning.
20.
[at the gym] "Excuse me where are the stepper machines?" Up on the 2nd floor *takes the elevator*
21.
I thought a spin cycle class was about laundry.
22.
Gym Instructor: I'm sorry, what did you say your goal was? Me: [louder and slower] I want to be able to throw myself over a moat
23.
"What the fuck are we doing" - my legs during recreational jogging
24.
Fitness status: Saved a bunch of workout videos on fb for later. Much later. Probably never look at them again.