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  • Hitler Toast

    These pieces by “toast artist” Tibi Tibi Neuspiel can be yours for a mere $228. Finally, a sandwich food more disgusting than American cheese.

  • Dog Erotica To Sell Fashion

    Fashion retailer SSENSE is currently running a rotating pictoral of “dog on girl” action to steam up it’s sales. Desperate times might call for desperate measures, but I’m going to draw the line at pets and kids.

  • “Pap Smear” Sex Toy

    Yes. It’s a “Playing Doctor” vaginal speculum kit complete with lube and cleanser. And if my boyfriend ever came near me with one of these, it would be up his ass in about 3 seconds.

  • “Bulge Enhancing” Underwear

    Andrew Christian just released “SHOCK JOCK,” a line of men’s underwear that will give men an extra 2 inches of “optical mass” — until they take them off, that is.

  • Human Teeth Jewelry

    In case you’re interested, the designer is currently accepting donations of human teeth and hair. (Who knows? Maybe these will look good with a shrunken human head necklace and rib cage handbag…)

  • Tool Academy Fashion Designer?

    Shawn Southern (A.K.A. “Loud Mouth Tool”) is trying to capitalize on his douche-bagginess with a fashion line entitled Kung Fu Hero (inspired by his crotch halo tattoo, no?) But if his failed attempt at creating anything remotely interesting doesn’t make you gassy, it gets better — HE WRITES HIS OWN COPY. No, really. See if you can spot the typo’s…

  • Customize Your Cigarettes

    SmokeStixx, a company new to the cancer game, promises to turn your cigarettes into a “fashion forward accessory” with customizable wraps. Looks to me like Joe the Camel has his work cut out when it comes to teen-friendly cigarette packaging.

  • Couture Celebrity Animal Ears

    No, it’s not a costume party. Celebrities like Lady Gaga, Lily Allen, and The Olsen Twins are sporting these high-fashion couture ears on red carpets (each pair costing up to $400.)

  • Bacon Outranks Ted Kennedy

    While recently deceased Senator Ted Kennedy was getting his wings this weekend, Americans were searching for — you guessed it — bacon. A collective ode to the porky politician, or just a blatant disregard for the passing of a blue blood? (Or better yet, maybe we’re just a bunch of porkers.)

  • One-Legged Pantyhose

    Not only do they claim to be slide-resistant, their “crotchless” design also makes them more hygienic (and, according to acupuncture points theory, are better designed for a woman’s body.) Admittedly, they’ve peaked my interest simply from a design perspective.

  • Masturbation Creams

    You’ve been living in a cave if you haven’t seen, read, or heard at least one of a seemingly endless stream of “couples lubricant” advertisements as of late. But what about guys that are flying solo? Just because they don’t have significant others to bone down with doesn’t mean they should be relegated to the garden variety lube (or Vaseline jar, god forbid) does it?

  • Yeti Style

    If Fall ‘09 Yeti-inspired designs (like the shoes on Brian Lichtenberg’s Fall 2009 runway) haven’t fulfilled your Bigfoot sightings quota for the year, you still have a little time before ‘Quatchi’ (the Vancouver 2010 Olympics mascot) rubs your Yeti fetish the wrong way.

  • ‘Hairy As Hell’ Fashion

    Alot of designers have been incorporating human hair into their Fall 2009 collections, but designer Alena Akhmadullina takes her’s far beyond the boundaries of good taste.

  • Sticky Sunglasses

    For Spring/Summer 2009, Azumi & David are extending their ‘body tape’ line (which currently includes watches, ties, and bracelets) to include sticky sunglasses. (I guess it won’t matter if you sit on them, then will it? On second thought, it would suck to walk around with a fake pair of sticky specs on your ass.)

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