10 Food Network Shows Improved By Famous Cats

Food Network is great mindless television, but it can get stale. The solution? Add cats. They're the missing ingredient for any struggling show.

Food Network started on November 23, 1993...

as a channel designed for stay-at-home moms looking to watch instructional cooking programs so they could stop making shitty dinners for their husbands. In the past few years, it has turned into a power network churning out some of the most popular shows, brands and food porn on television today.

So what's the problem? Most of their talent is already working on two or three shows, and their attempts at finding new talent with The Next Food Network Star is a bigger fail than serving Scott Conant raw onions. Seriously, has anyone watched one episode of Big Daddy's House with Aaron McCargo Jr? Thanks to Paula Deen, he'll have a network job forever.

The solution to this problem is the same solution to all of life's problems...add cats!

1) Chopped

Currently the cream of the crop when it comes to Food Network programming, you would be hard-pressed to tune into the channel without a marathon of Chopped clogging the airwaves. It's a perfectly structured one hour distraction.

The Problem?

For a show relying on mystery and variety, it's been lacking both. The judges are the same rotation of Food Network staples, and contestants are actually practicing at home with the most random ingredients they can find to plan for the mayhem of the Chopped kitchen.

The Solution

Who is that walking onto the set?

Stimpy, of course! That kitty litter odor is unmistakable. With his "Happy Happy Joy Joy" spirit, he's a perfect fit!

What a team player, he even brought his own Mystery Basket!

That's a tricky basket Stimpy! Let's see what our chefs can do with these unique ingredients.

Time's up, let's go to the Judges Table.

2) Dinner: Impossible

For years now, chef Robert Irvine has been flexing his cooking skills, leadership and muscles in this hour long program that puts him in "impossible" cooking situations. Dinner for 20 on an island with no electricity? Done. Cater a party of 500 hungry southerners in four hours? Easy.

The Problem?

No matter how "impossible" the challenge, Irvine always finishes! In 83 episodes of the show, the dinner is always completed, impeccably plated and served to a host of hungry and satisfied guests. The challenges seem so easy and stress-free to Robert that he's added another show to his rotation, Restaurant: Impossible, just for fun. Laughing in the face of the impossible deserves punishment. Here it comes.

The Solution

Sous Chef Garfield, reporting for duty!

Sous Chef Garfield, how is that Lasagna coming? We need to start plating in 20 minutes.

Excuse me?

How about the dessert? Is it almost finished?

Episode 84, featuring Garfield the Cat, was the last episode of Dinner: Impossible

Chef Robert Irvine, upon realizing the premise of his entire show was a sham until Garfield introduced him to the truly impossible, was last seen doing pushups on a boat in the Mediterranean Sea. It has since been discovered that Irvine had deep insecurity issues and difficulty coping with failure, which Food Network kept under wraps for the duration of his employment.

3) The Best Thing I Ever Ate

On this Food Network classic, celebrity chefs are invited to share their experiences with the best dishes, bites, snacks, treats and meals they've had.

The Problem?

These people eat amazing food...all of the time. It's the most pompous and exclusive thing on the network. It lacks authenticity.

The Solution

A cat that wants to eat one thing so badly that if the opportunity ever materialized it would actually be the best thing he has ever eaten.

Dinner is served. Tom's about to have the meal of Jerry's life.

Happy cats are great for ratings!

4) Throwdown with Bobby Flay

Bobby Flay is kind of a big deal. He gave it to Mrs. Ari on Entourage, and he's here to challenge you to a throwdown. You pick the dish and he'll cook it better than you, or maybe he'll lose, but Bobby just wants to battle. Whether it be Iron Chef, Throwdown or HBO, the guy is always ready for a fight. Probably has something to do with him being a ginger.

The Problem?

Bobby is kind of a dick. He's smug and always has an attitude. He needs a sidekick. Something fluffier than him, perhaps.

The Solution

Puss in Boots is here to save the day. He is fully equipped with sequels of sidekick experience and charm that will make you purr.

Also, he is a ginger cat. I mean, they're really perfect together.

Hey Puss in Boots!

Of course Bobby, haven't your kids seen the Shrek movies? Fighting is what I do, I am quite good at it for a house cat.

That was a very satisfying throwdown Mr. Flay

We should do it again next Sunday night at 9 PM EST on the Food Network.

5) Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives

DDD, the greatest piece of food television in existence, is going strong for 10+ seasons with the winner of Food Network Star Season 2. Guy Fieri is living the dream right now, raking in piles of cash traveling the country looking for America's funkiest...well, you know the drill.

The Problem?

Guy needs help. He's exhausted. He's breaking his own rules and using recycled catch phrases. Awesome, money, amazing, out of bounds, and off the hook are not acceptable ways of describing taste.

You're better than this.

The Solution

Chester Cheetah at your service. All aboard the next bus to Flavor Town USA.

Dude, I know. I didn't see it coming either.

Think about it Guy! We're really cheesy, we don't go anywhere without our shades, and our primary demographic is stoners. Change your shirt to something more appropriate and let's hit the road.

Perfect, lets hit the road

We'll see ya next time on Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives

6) Good Eats

There is a very good chance you haven't seen one episode of this Food Network staple. You're about to realize why.

The Problem?

Alton Brown is kind of weird. He is Food Network's food nerd, and his brainy approach to cooking isn't for everyone. By everyone, of course, we mean anyone.

He just isn't a leading man. Alton seems lonely, and nobody wants to watch a lonely guy in glasses talk about food.

The Solution

Salem Saberhagen!

He's cultured

He can talk

Plus, he loves food

What do you think Alton? Could you ever dream that you would have me, a talking cat, as your sidekick?

Wouldn't that be nice? Is that something you may be interested in?

Don't be shy Alton, we know about the chicken incident

Salem is a better talker, and a better listener. He has experience with witches, he can handle you and help broaden your appeal to women.

Good Eats w/ Salem and Alton has a nice ring to it, don't you think? Let's make some watchable TV, I know what i'm doing here.

After all, I carried Melissa Joan Hart for 7 seasons of Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

7) 30 Minute Meals with Rachel Ray

The sweetheart and undisputed Queen of Food Network, sorry Giada. She's smiled her way to the top, kicking basic food recipes up a notch with a perked up giggle.

The Problem?

Rachel Ray is TOO nice, a perfect little made for TV cook with a great smile. Not worthy of Kitchen Stadium, the Chopped kitchen or really any kitchen surrounded by real chefs.

There is nothing behind that big grin.

Well, maybe there's SOMETHING behind that grin

Maybe Rachel is a bit naughtier than we thought?

The Solution

A cat with an unmistakable grin and a naughty streak of it's own...

Cheshire Cat!

I'm always ready for some mischief, and i'll keep you on your toes. Plus, you have a much nicer smile than the Queen of Hearts.

They're pretty much twins

8) Worst Cooks in America

For 4 seasons, Anne Burrell and Bobby Flay have suffered through this painfully bad reality show on Food Network, where terrible cooks study under the chefs and hope to put out something edible.

The Problem?

The food is really bad. So are the contestants. It's just terrible.

The Solution

Smelly Cat

It's the perfect solution for a show full of bad food that is usually unidentifiable. Bobby and Anne sure as hell don't want to eat the food, and Smelly Cat is really hungry. A musical touch could provide new opening credits, which is farther than most viewers are getting currently.

Seriously though, Anne can't handle it anymore

Tune in next week to find out what Smelly Cat will eat next!

If this shit gets cancelled, it's not your fault.

9) Emeril Live

One of Food Networks original shows, it featured Emeril Lagasse kickin' it up a notch from 1997-2007. Hailing from New Orleans and slinging cajun food to a live studio audience, Emeril developed a creole kingdom for himself one episode at a time with an arsenal of catch phrases and distinct accent.

Like this

This too

How about this one?

The Problem?

In case it wasn't clear, Emeril is sort of a one trick pony. That's OK though, we still like him, and we know just the right cat to help him out. With the amount of seasoning he uses, you would think the last thing he needs to rejuvenate his show is a little spice.

The Solution

Sylvester J. Pussycat reporting for duty.

He's got the unique accent to go along with Emeril, and audiences will love the novelty of getting spit on from the set by this slobbering cat with a lisp. Plus, his signature catchphrase is a southern classic that Lagasse can make better than most.

Emeril, you ready?

Get the recipe for Emeril's Sufferin Succotash here: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/emeril-lagasse/succotash-recipe/index.html

10) Iron Chef America

At the time of its debut, Iron Chef America was the best food show on the planet. Excellent production value with a great concept and talented chefs cooking amazing dishes with an unlimited array of premium ingredients. Before Top Chef, DDD, Chopped or anything else, there was the original Iron Chef in Japan. Food Network snagged the concept and idea, brought along "The Chairman", and enlisted Mario Batali, Bobby Flay, Cat Cora and Masaharu Morimoto to reign supreme over Kitchen Stadium.

The Problem?

Morimoto was the most feared and dominant Iron Chef, with a 25-14-1 career record on the show. The problem is, he isn't on the show anymore. Without him, there is no asian representation in Kitchen Stadium, which is simply a problem that needs a solution.

The Solution

Hello Kitty, Hello Chairman. Ready for battle!

The secret ingredient is...

Every Iron Chef knows you have to bring your A game on the dessert

**BONUS CATS**

There are two more shows on this list, and just because they aren't on the Food Network doesn't mean they cant have cats on them.

Here we go.

11) Man v. Food

Meet Adam Richman

He's a nice Jewish guy from Brooklyn with a masters degree from Yale. Now, he's on a mouthwatering journey to find America's greatest pig out spots. Adam's just a regular guy with a serious appetite, and a degree from Yale. His parents must be so proud.

Adam will eat anything

With a career record of 48 wins for "Man" and 38 wins for "Food", he's endured four seasons of torturously difficult challenges. Whether it be flaming hot buffalo wings, 10 pounds of breakfast food or a 5 pound burger, Adam managed to talk the talk and walk the walk.

The Problem?

Oh Adam, you learned the hard way that once you finish college, you can't eat anything you want without any consequences. That applies to an extra slice of pizza every week, let alone an entire pie. You were eating way too much food, plain and simple.

You had to see this coming, right? You have a degree from Yale.

The Solution

Scratchy is a cat that knows a thing or two about bodily harm and abuse. While Adam explores the salad bar, this poor cat will gladly step into the line of fire and battle food.

Travel Channel presents Cat v. Food

Directed, written, produced and film by Itchy Industries

12) Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern

Andrew Zimmern travels the globe and eats the weirdest food he can find. Curious what baked muskrat tastes like? Tune in!

The Problem?

The food isn't bizarre enough. We need to bring something new into the mix that Andrew has never tried before.

The Solution

Sam I Am's been traveling around trying to find people adventurous enough to try his famous green eggs and ham. So far, it's taken a lot of convincing, but thankfully he's tracked down Andrew Zimmern.

Andrew, try this!

What do you think?

Say!

I like green eggs and ham!

I do!! I like them, Sam-I-am!

And I would eat them in a boat!

And I would eat them with a goat...

And I will eat them in the rain.

And in the dark. And on a train.

And in a car. And in a tree.

They are so good so good you see!